We actually had a fairly large ceremony and sit-down dinner reception that cost over $10K. Still, people come and don't bring gifts. I don't really care about this and neither does my wife. After all, we had the wedding we wanted and we wanted certain people to be there even if they couldn't really afford to bring a gift. (Though I know that some people are naturally gift givers so I registered scores of $5 and $10 gifts for my less affluent friends.)

I don't really feel the same way that you do about not getting gifts from people, but I understand where you are coming from. I have a large family, and a few of those people have feelings similar to yours. I began to realize that a) I'd never really, really wow them with an awesome gift because all stuff is just stuff to them b) I should always get some kind of gift for them at gifting times c) it doesn't matter what the gift is because the gift is really a symbol -- a nod really. It's kinda like, "Hey, I know you. I care about you. Here's stuff! (because it is all just stuff to these types of people -- probably you too)"

I think many people have been tring to find an excuse for your friends because you initial post makes it sound like you are more upset about the lack of gifts (which is petty) rather than the lack of acknowledgement (which is understandable).

For further clarification - Since there were several weeks between your actual marriage/home purchase and the celebration of those events, did any of these people offer a verbal congratulations in the days immediately following the big events? If so, maybe they felt that was enough.

You also mention being constantly disappointed by your friends. So, I assume things like this happen frequently. If so, it sounds like this is just part of who these people are. When it comes to people, like everything else in the world, you have to take the good with the bad. You have to decide if their good qualities override the bad.

And as for the RSVP/regrets - well, that just makes them goobers. Some people just never realize (I'm not saying they didn't know - there's a difference between knowing something & realizing it's impact) the necessity.

'cause if they are, then you can't get that offended at geeks not being real thoughtful in the real world.

My friends knew the stakes. They knew why Carey and I got married when and how we did (largely so that my stepdaughter Little Bug could live in the same house as me), and so on.

I find it interesting that so many people are simply willing to say "maybe they didn't know" or to in some way find an excuse for shitty behavior by two friends and fairly rude behavior by three others. What's so wrong with me saying "my friends screwed up" and those friends accepting it, correcting it, and everyone moving on with their lives? Nearly everyone who's responded in the negative here is simply making excuses. Guess what? None of my friends had any excuses. It takes 30 seconds to send an email or make a phone call to let someone know you're not going to attend their party.

Confrontation isn't always bad, people, and if you live in some kind of self-protected bubble where nobody ever criticizes you for anything, then more power to you. But don't kid yourself into thinking that you're not actually pissing anyone off in the process.

I'm with Geoff. If this is the way some of these friends are going to behave, then it's high time I took a good hard look at whether they're true friends or not.

I'm no longer living in the same town, but we did have a mailing list that I was in charge of. In April I gave someone else admin rights, put another in the moderator group and removed myself from the list completely. Has anyone noticed? Probably. But no one has bothered to contact me. Oh, wait, no... I received an e-mail yesterday from one of them asking if I had any contacts that might be able to help her out now that she is graduating.

I would suspect some friends merely thought they were seeing the new home you have made for yourself. and the possible relative informality of the 'event' did not prod them into gift giving mode. Even if the term Housewarming was mentioned, I would expect nothing more than a bottle of wine. Wedding gifts are for weddings.

I told Ron to get a card but he didn't- then he said he'd take care of it next time he saw you. And I wasn't the one running late.

-Sybil

P.S. Please email me your address so I can send you a card, it was a very nice party and I'd like to thank you for having me.

Sorry