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Inevitable Truths for Mature People

Alex King has a list of Inevitable Truths for Mature People. I've always liked lists like this, though I can't come up with them on my own. Of the ones I liked the most:

- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

- There is great need for a sarcasm font.

- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

- I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

- I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

- Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

- Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber and dumber every year?

- Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

On the last one, oddly, the last time I stayed in a hotel my iPhone alarm went off (I use it in place of actual alarm clocks) and I still instinctively smacked the alarm clock radio's snooze button.

One Response to "Inevitable Truths for Mature People"

  1. I personally identify myself with this: "I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!".
    Nice list 🙂


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