QotD: Weighty Marriage
Posted March 4th, 2004 @ 09:58pm by Erik J. Barzeski
Question: If your wife puts on 100 lbs since marriage outside of childbirth, what do you do?
My Answer: I tell her to get her ass in shape. 🙂 This one will no doubt piss people off, and I realize I'm not perfect by a long shot, but physical attraction is important as is sharing activities. If my wife goes from 125 to 225, odds are both will decrease. Hopefully, though, I'll choose well enough that I won't have to worry about it. The woman I'd most like to marry wouldn't let herself "go" like that, regardless of what I thought.
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Posted 04 Mar 2004 at 10:25pm #
After the usual caveats (with which I'm sure you agree) such as sickness, hormone imbalance, etc., I completely agree with you.
It's a matter of respect towards your partner. You aren't respectful of your spouse if you use one look to "hook" them and another once you've caught them.
I go to the gym for 10+ hours a week. A large part of that is for my wife. I want to give her the best that I can. I would expect that she would do the same.
Posted 04 Mar 2004 at 11:01pm #
Yes, all of the usual caveats are included. Bearing a child is another of them. Quite obviously the wife would gain weight then. 🙂
Posted 05 Mar 2004 at 12:05am #
I hold the notion that I should try to facilitate my wife to lose weight if I were married. I don't think telling her to get off her fat ass would be very effective short of me receiving a frying pan upside my head. Also, as the marriage went on, I'd think that her gaining weight would be less of a problem for me.
Posted 05 Mar 2004 at 8:26am #
Jack Black is that you? Is this the twilight zone or what? When did Shallow Hal replace our Blogmaster?
Posted 05 Mar 2004 at 3:29pm #
And if you gain any weight or go bald, she should drop your fat ass too. It cuts both ways, I hope.
Posted 05 Mar 2004 at 5:26pm #
Ouch. No inner beauty huh? I have to say that while my wife has become more "curvasious" as she has aged, she hasn't "ballooned". OTOH, my two sisters have gained more than they need, but I still love and respect them.
Posted 05 Mar 2004 at 6:41pm #
Yes, it goes both ways. I'm not the type of guy that'd let myself get fat though. I don't think I'll go bald, so that's a plus…
Posted 05 Mar 2004 at 8:58pm #
Wouldn't balding fall under the "can't control" category?
I hope that whomever I marry will lead an active enough life with me that we both stay in reasonable shape. I don't care about weight or waist size, as long as the girl carries herself well... Hence the reason I like girls who dance, regardless of weight.
Posted 05 Mar 2004 at 9:21pm #
Going bald would suck but I hope my wife will stick around if that happens!
As for getting fat, there is a certain level of physical activity that people should be able to maintain. That's probably more important to me than a little extra meat around the waistline. I'll start complaining when my wife can no longer take a long walk with me or take part in the things we enjoy doing together (snowboarding, hiking, dancing, ect...).
Regarding childbirth, you mention that as a special case. I don't know that I'd agree there. Having a child is not an excuse to get fat. I understand gaining a little weight but too much is always a health risk. I've been living in Asia for the last five years and Asian women always come back down in weight after the child is born. I don't attribute that to race either, it has a lot to do with a decent diet and an active life style.
Posted 05 Mar 2004 at 11:49pm #
I don't get the "Jack Black" and "inner beauty" comments. I would imagine that Erik would ALSO be looking for that. If both inner and outer beauty are important to you, why should you settle for one or the other?
Heck -- I would argue that the ones who are thin until they get the man have a strike against them in the "inner beauty" column.
Posted 07 Mar 2004 at 12:26am #
Seriously, if the girl lets herself go shortly after marriage there is something wrong there.
I am with Erik. Barring anything outside of her control, I'd be greatly displeased if my wife put on 100 pounds after marriage. For some girls that would be nearly doubling their body weight, and that is just completely unacceptable.
I really don't think that I will have this problem though, because who ever marries me will know me well enough to know that I am layered... that is both deep and shallow at the same time.
I don't really care if people think it is shallow of me to want someone who is in shape, healthy, and well maintained. That is what I seek in a woman. I would have a difficult time doing my duties as a husband with some woman who clearly isn't doing her duties as a wife.
Posted 12 May 2004 at 9:03pm #
I'll take the assumption that she gained weight because of developing poor eating habits and ceasing to exercise. In that case, make it a project for you two, together, to develop a healthier lifestyle. Don't put her down or make comments about her weight. To do so will cause her to want to get back at you by eating and sitting more. Instead, suggest nightly walks and cook meals from healthy recipes cookbooks.
It's going to be a struggle for me to stay the same weight after marriage. Why? My fiancee is always trying to feed me. He will bring me three and four in-between meal snacks. He eats several times per day, and it doesn't really affect him, but it will me. We don't live together now. I've tried to have gentle discussions with him about my concerns about weight gain, and how I really don't like to snack. Unfortunately, his family shows love with food. He's bringing me yummy snacks with good intentions, but with bad consequences to my waistline.
The point of my self centered paragraph: Sometimes a partner needs to realize what his or her contribution is toward a partner's weight issues.