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Survivor: Women Are THAT Dumb?

Survivor: Amazon (I don't know what number this one is&hellip six? seven?) kicked off last night. Nick has some thoughts on it here, to which I want to add. Like Nick, I was prepared to give the women a chance, and fully prepared to rag on the guys for being dumbasses. As it ended up, I was given plenty of chances to rag on both tribes. What follows are the random thoughts (the ones I can remember, anyway) that occurred to me, Gabe, Daria, or Dave throughout the show.

How do you say things like "the guy who acts like a leader always gets kicked off first" and then proceed to act like a leader?! Did the guy not think that saying "okay, you build that. okay, stick this there. you there, get some wood. everyone: let's get fire." was a bit "bossy" or "i-want-to-be-your-leader"-like? Ugh. How dumb can you be?

Why in the hell did the women have so much trouble getting a fire started. They had kerosene! This was so incredibly stupid of them that I simply can't conceive of it. Clue: kerosene is flammable. How dumb can you be?

The first things you do are build a shelter, find food sources, and find water. On their housing, women were propping sticks together. Sticks. They slept on the ground and freaked out when a spider came by. They don't appear to have a shelter by next week, either. They couldn't cook their rice/flour/whatever, and they all had about 1/10 their daily nutritional requirements. How dumb can you be?

The women, after less than 48 hours living in the wilderness, did laundry. Not only did they do laundry, they did it with what appeared to be their initial supply of drinking water. Is clean underwear really that important? How dumb can you be?

The best way to cross a balance beam is decidedly not to hump the fucking thing. Yet the two pretty boys (one of whom is a "model") couldn't figure out how to simply walk across. After the first pair of women walked across, and the second, and the third, and the fourth… don't you think they should have figured it out? How dumb can you be?

A rocket scientist and a computer guy couldn't figure out a puzzle. Humiliating. After the pretty boys lost the lead, they blew the race. How dumb can you be?

The model dude is gone, but there's still a swimsuit model on the women's side. I expected Ryan, model dude to walk away after being kicked off singing "I'm… too sexy for this tribe… too sexy for this tribe oh it hurts…" or something. And what's up with the guy telling everyone he'll side with them. You have to lie in this game, but you don't start lying this early! You'll be found out - quickly! How dumb can you be?

Last season, Clay's vanity item - a golf club - was great. The flag a few years ago - the huge US flag - was also awesome. The golf club provided amusement and, in a pinch, could have been used as a survival tool. The flag was used as a shelter (prompting a rule change). Given that, the big "Believe in Yourself" sign isn't too bad, especially if it's waterproof or resistant or at least strong. What the hell is a Magic 8-Ball going to do for you? At least bring a diary: a Magic 8-Ball is nothing more than "amusement for 2 minutes" (or less if you simply ask it who you're going to screw - clue: yourself). How dumb can you be?

Nick is right: watching women chop down trees (sticks) was hilarious. Here's a hint: if you're not too strong, or you have bad aim, use two hands. People don't play golf with only one hand on the club, and baseball players don't swing a bat one-handed. Clue: there's a reason for that. How dumb can you be?

Nobody on the show is going to get laid (well, 'cept maybe Jeff). Give it up, guys. Any energy or time spent thinking about which chick is the hottest is just energy that could be better spent, iDunno, gathering food or something. How dumb horny can you be?

Women can't fish. Or row a boat (or untie the knot to get started towards their camp). And one woman got sick and wanted to go home after less than 24 hours in the wilderness. Hey, Miss Housewife, what the hell did you think you were getting yourself into? Way to stick it out! Did you think you'd have a mattress and a chef? C'mon… How dumb can you be?

In summary: Survivor Amazon contestants, I have only one question for you: "How dumb can you be?" Here's to finding out over the next 36 days.

2 Responses to "Survivor: Women Are THAT Dumb?"

  1. Balance

    The answer, it would appear, is no, you're not. Then again, my tastes have always differed from many other people's.

  2. Like Nick, I decided to tune in to this week's Survivor to see how stupid the contestants could be. I'm writing this "live" as I...