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Like Nick, I decided to tune in to this week's Survivor to see how stupid the contestants could be. I'm writing this "live" as I watch it at 8:20 on a Friday morning.

The women have been sleeping outside for four days now. They basically have a few sticks a foot off the ground for a shelter on which, not under which, they sleep. It apparently takes "everyone's energy" to maintain water and fire. "I have no doubt that the guys are better off than we are." Uh, yes. Cut to scene of guys making flour/rice patties, hanging out in their luxury shelter.

The men set off to fish - this should be interesting. Okay, they can't. Then the rain came, and a man says "it'd suck to be outside right now" as they sit in their palace staring out at the rain. Cut to a scene of the women getting absolutely drenched.

Let's see how well the reward challenge goes. It's a puzzle: should be a good one for the women. After all, they're good at being bossy (directing others to puzzle pieces). Christy, the deaf girl, sits out. Butch can't remember anybody's name. It's been four or five days! The men officially suck. Of course, so do the women. This year's theme, if you recall, is "how stupid can you be?" Not remembering your tribe members' names is pretty stupid. The women win easily.

Why the hell does anyone thank God (later we find out it's Yoda she's thanking) for helping them win an award challenge? Don't people (usually the black woman?) think their God has anything better to do than help win challenges? And while I'm on the subject, Vecepia was the worst winner ever. That whole thing still pisses me off.

Man, some species of monkeys have big nuts. The women still can't cook their food. They did laundry, and Janet is still complaining about being sick. I think she's going home first, unless the swimsuit model or the deaf girl screw up.

Ha ha, one woman freaks out about catching a fish and drops her pole, losing the fish. There are some things women just can't do. Dealing with spiders and fish seem to be one of a growing list. My goodness.

And there are some things men just can't do: spend time with other guys without talking about homosexuality. I'm not gay, but I'll agree with Alex. Sorry Roger, but you came off as a bigot, just like the spineless little liar guy said.

Deena is ugly. She needs to go. If you went by looks alone, Deena would be in the men's tribe. Now she's bitching about Joanna's objection to the religious "idol" that is the immunity thing. Who the hell is Joanna's god? Yoda the Jedi or something? I dunno - she said it oo fast. "Jedi" was definitely in there. Speaking of Joanna, she's annoying too. A tribe full of women without bitching? Good luck!

Y'know, I've heard that groups of women synchronize their menstrual cycles (and thus their PMS). It seems that this tribe has already synchronized theirs (this would explain the washing of the undies last week). Every woman in the tribe has PMS every 28 minutes.

Christy the Deaf Girl, yes, you are at a disadvantage. You're brave for going on the show, but that doesn't make you smart for doing it. You won't win on sympathy alone, and you won't get too far. Sympathy votes will only get you so far.

The women found a granola bar. They're freaking out. They're freaking out!! Why would they throw it in the fire??? Now they threw it in the fire. They're idiots! Idiots! Who cares whose it is - especially if nobody's going to cop to it - just eat the fucking thing! Split it up and eat it.

Now there's a Jeanne? Jenna, Jeanne, Joanna… Did they do this on purpose?

The men really need to win the immunity challenge, then the black girl can't bitch about having a false God to worship in the camp. Ah, the challenge is a memorization one. Perhaps the stupid women can get some building ideas from the model hut. Ha ha, Jeff said "nuts." 🙂 Ah, and mantiok (sp?) cakes - that should give the women an idea on how to cook their food (if they were paying any attention).

The women lose. Who is going home this week? Bitchy religious girl? Deaf girl? Or the sick woman? My vote is for the sick woman. She's been no help to anyone so far.

The deaf girl is bitching again. She's used the words "pisses me off" yet again. Now she says "I give up on working with the tribe." She's making a late play to get voted out. Janet (sick woman) isn't sure if she'll go or the deaf girl will go. Now they're whining about the granola bar again. I'll say it again: you should have been happy and just eaten the damn thing.

The women are at tribal council and admit that they don't have a shelter. Or water. Or a real fire (hell, it might go out while they're at council). The women have no plan, and Jeff points that out. Jeff asks deaf girl if she feels excluded because she's deaf. She says yes and starts crying. Wah wah - I'd vote her off just for that. Is she being excluded? Hell yeah. Should she expect anything less? Nope. It's only natural. People can't be expected to make the effort to seek her out to talk at her every time they want to say anything. This is a game, and she's at a disadvantage.

Let's see how this vote goes. Jeff will go tally the votes. Once the votes have been read, the decision is final. The person voted out will be asked to leave the tribal council area immediately. Jeff will read the votes.

Four votes, four women. They don't even have a cohesive voting plan. Okay, now Janet is gone: the "I feel so excluded" whining worked and sick woman is being sent off to get well. She may have been one of the sanest women there.

Next week, on Survivor… naked women bathing in the Amazon. Woo! It's too bad for the men they won't get to see it. Ahh, but at least we do, the viewing public of the United States. In between the commercials anyway.

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