Subscribe to
NSLog(); Header Image

Survivor 6.9

Last week, it was the obvious choice Dave who got the boot. He won the reward and took Deena. This week it supposedly seems obvious: Matt. But last week they mentioned a "power struggle" and the past few years that has meant one thing: Deena will be going tonight. And now, live (on tape delay), here we go!

Matt's an idiot. Rob is talking to him, and he's the fool totally wrapped around his pinkie. "Every morning I give Matt a debriefing." The look on Matt's face is priceless. He's an idiot. And ha! The music is awesome. It's a spy type of deal that you'd hear in the 70s. "Butch is on a need to know basis." And then Matt pipes in with "you go that way, I'll go the other way."

Matt informs Butch that he's going to be a chain. Matt will "initiate all conversation." He is Butch's lifeline. And Butch seems to be buying it. "That's it, no more talk" says Matt. Wow.

And now Rob is holding court with Alex, Jenna, Heidious, and Deena. The current plan: vote Rob out. They're still talking about how Matthew "is a physical threat to my safety" - the "crazy man" stuff from last week. Hmmm. Whatever. I didn't see it.

Brazil's most famous taste has to be coffee, yeah. "Matt's gonna orgasm when he sees this" says Rob. Ha! When did I make my "Rob jizzes all over the Amazon" joke? Ah yes, here it is. Damn Matthew is good! Holy amazing blow darting, spear chucking, arrow shooting, Batman!

survivor_69_shot.jpg"Coming into this thing, the only spears I knew about were Britney, broccoli, and asparagus." Broccoli spears? Really? "Do I need to like totally put my mouth around it?" Uhh, yeah Heidious. Matt asks Rob if he should not try his hardest. What kind of arrow has a pitchfork on the end? Jeez.

The challenge goes as you might expect until the final round: Matt probably could have won easily but may have been giving up at that point. Rob calls him a nincompoop? Interestingly, Alex takes Jenna, gets a hug. Shawna who???

Okay, all the sugar and coffee they ingested could not be good for their stomachs. Diarrhea probably doesn't help the ratings too much, so hopefully we don't have to see that later. I'm not a coffee fan, as much as Jamie's attempting to convert me, so I'd have gone for the food. Four or five cups and all that sugar? Gasp!

Rob apparently doesn't know how to fish with a net or a pole. Deena is talking a lot about how Alex is perhaps next to go. Deena asks Heidious how important it is that she advance, and then how easily she thinks she can advance if Matt or Alex is in the game. Well, let's see: with the exception of Brian from last season, and Ethan from a few seasons ago, the physically strongest rarely gets very far and rarely wins in the end. The challenges at the end are rarely actual physical strength contests, making "strongest" a misnomer in terms of competitiveness. Yet every year, people fail to grasp that. Heck, physical strength may be a disadvantage later in the game in terms of winning challenges! It certainly gets you voted off soon enough.

If Matt wins immunity, then Alex is going. That's the consensus. Deena is leading the talks, and this is setting her up for a pretty mighty fall. I'm going with my initial prediction: Deena is going to go. The "power struggle" hints from last week and the fact that Deena's been pretty center stage this week point in that direction.

Jenna says "we can talk about people without having to run away" and her and Alex brew up a plan. Alex says "you and Heidious and Rob are so much fun" and Jenna says "we're the bonding group." Jenna and Alex talk about how Deena is an outsider in a few ways. Jenna, though she may not have the largest vocabulary, seems to be playing the game pretty well really. More so than Heidious anyway.

Where are Matthew and Butch when Heidious, Deena, Rob, and Christy are talking? "I feel as if I'm in control" says Deena. Ha! It's not shaping up to be that way.

Rob wants to steal Matt and Butch's cookies? What a dick. Funny, and amusing, but still makes him a dick. Matt and Butch are "on the outside looking in, power wise. Even if they find out, what are they going to do?"

Wow did Butch get bit by a dead fish. He had the thing sliced open and stabbed in the head! At least he kept the fish in the boat. They made a big deal of this bite last week in the previews - turns out it's nothing. The real story so far? That power struggle. It's slowly being waged.

Heidious is an idiot: Deena told her not to say anything, and as soon as Jenna returns, Heidious goes off and tells Jenna. Rob and - holy cow a cool looking sloth! - Deena are pretty interesting. Jenna is "really pissed" at Deena. Go go Erik's Prediction! 🙂 Alex gets together with Rob and proposes ditching Matt and then Deena.

It's at this point that we pause to discuss the fact that there are currently four women and four men. I have to believe that if the final five are "all four women + any one guy" then the guy is the next to go. Deena's a bit too "girl power!" for me, and Jenna and Heidious would get a kick out of that. Christy's laying low, and that involves just voting along with the majority, so she's a pretty safe bet to go farther too. It's now or never for the guys, I think: a woman has to go this week. Deena's being set up as that woman, partly due to Jenna, in which case I'd almost make the same argument: any four guys + one woman = the woman is next to go. The kink in that logic is Rob, who seems to want to get rid of every guy - all have a better chance with any of the women than he does - and keep the tits and ass around as long as possible.Back to the show…

Heidious's knee is bit by a spider, and Rob makes a boob joke. Go figure. Him being stupid is amusing, regardless of what Nick may say. She "literally cannot bend it." Is there a figurative way in which one can bend a knee? Hmmm.

Immunity or food? Oh, yuck, it's the gross food challenge. Alex seems to think it's a temptation challenge - I don't think so. This is about the time that the gross-out challenge occurs. Deena thinks the competition is between Matt and Alex. Jenna wants to leave immediately - she thinks this is good food? Nah, it has to be the gross out.

Good God Heidious is disgusting. "We've all gotten bit" Jenna says. Ha, backhanded way of saying "shut the fuck up and deal with it Heidious." And booya! It is the gross-out challenge. Awesome. I hate thinking about eating that stuff, but I love to see the Survivors try.

Jenna doesn't even bother to try. She nibbles a wing and gives up. Christy about pukes. Alex wolfs it down, Matthew wolfs it down. Matthew looks like he's in a "happy place" and wins first. Christy's really, really having issues but pulls out round one before Heidious. The worms? Just down 'em! Swallow them like a pill without water. Bam, they do. Matt's done fast! Christy gets into the final four pretty easily. It's dry stuff again and Christy has vomiting issues again. Matt and Alex wolf them down, but Deena beats out Alex for the final two. Deena's reaction to the final big beatle larva is hilarious, but if she's voted off tonight, then she's going to be incredibly sorry. Matt seems to enjoy it. Ick.

"Alex needed to win to save his heinie" and "my ass really had to have been on the line for me to eat that grotesque thing. Why even try?" Because I think you're getting voted out, you stupid woman! Her gloating is totally fucking annoying, and they're really focusing on Deena - a telltale sign in Survivor Land. Jenna remains pissed at Deena. You play, girl!

Rob talks about being in two circles, and how it could backfire. I still know Nick hates the guy, but I've gotta say he's playing the game the most, and the best, at this point, and he contributes to the weekly chuckles more than anyone ever on Survivor. Is Rob the swing vote? Where is Butch? Where is Christy? Jenna, Heidious, Alex for Deena. Deena, Christy, Rob for Alex? Matt for Deena?

Dave is brought in and man does he look grumpy. He didn't even shave. Heidious lists her two assets as her strength and her intelligence! Holy fucking pause the TiVo so you can laugh for eighteen minutes, Batman! Intelligence? Even Alex shakes his head. Rob rolls his eyes. Ha! She then says "one of those is gone right now" and Jeff absolutely nails her: "Which one?" Pause again!!! 😀

Matthew doesn't think he was on the chopping block? It wasn't a necessity? Man, Rob really does have him wrapped around his finger. Holy fucking get a clue, Batman! Okay, no more Batman slang. Jeff asks Deena if she's okay with her game so far: it comes down to the swallowing of one giant ugly bug. I wonder if she'd have been able to do it if she knew she was going. She'd still have lost to the super-speedy swallowing of Alex.

Christy votes for Alex. Jenna screws Deena. Deena writes "Alex." Alex votes for "DeenA." Two and two - it's gotta be Deena. The votes are read, and booya! Deena is gone. Shows how much she knew of the game. How many times is hubris the fatal flaw in tragedies? Same here. Deena doesn't even look surprised to have been voted out. I expected a bit more of a reaction.

One last thing, Heidious: "Deena" is not spelled "Denna." You're a moron and you're frightening to look at. There's a reason my group has nicknamed you "Heidious." You are frightening, frightening, frightening. And hey, what were you saying about intelligence earlier?

Next week the "Tribe of Four" flaunt it and Heidious and Jenna share an emotional moment that involves crying. Perhaps Rob flashes them? I'd cry.

One Response to "Survivor 6.9"

  1. Cabal

    noun, plural 1. A conspiratorial group of plotters or intriguers. 2. A secret scheme or plot. Hmm ... close but