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Feeling Ugly

Need to feel better about yourself? Put yourself in this "poor" woman's shoes:

I have met a twenty-six-year-old male who has many things going for him: absolutely amazing in bed (quite cunnilingually gifted!), intelligent, and possessed of a razor-sharp wit. Of course, the reason I'm writing to you is because he is, to put it delicately, UGLY.

That's putting things delicately? Gee whiz. The woman then goes on to say that she's embarrassed to introduce this boyfriend of hers (for six months) to her family and friends. Read the advice column answer here. Summary: grow up or come clean.

Now for a bit of stream of consciousness…

erik_with_tp_pilgrims.jpgThis article touched home just a little bit because in nearly any relationship I feel like the "uglier" one. I consider myself to be fairly average in the "attractiveness" department: sometimes a bit less, rarely a bit more. If I could change one thing about myself, I'd make myself a bit more handsome. Not a whole lot - "gorgeous" people in my field may not be taken too seriously - just enough to give myself a bit more self esteem. I would not trade 10 IQ points to look any better, and I realize that I've got a lot of other things going for me. Looks just are one of those I consider to be neither an asset nor a liability.

However, in saying this, I often encounter a wave of resistance the likes of which I can only imagine are met by anorexics complaining about how fat they are. "You are a handsome guy." Well, I'm glad you think so, but I'll disagree personally. I'm not going to go kill myself or anything: why is saying "I think I'm of average appearance" such a bad thing?

I often complimented my ex, Jessica, on her eyes. She'd often say in response "Why? They're just brown." This made me feel pretty darn stupid, like I had no taste and I was somehow wrong for finding her eyes appealing. Since I came to realize that I sometimes to the same thing to others, I've stopped doing that (or tried to at least). For example, this morning I told someone how beautiful I thought she was, and she responded by calling me handsome. I kissed her. After all, I'm glad she thinks so.

I like my legs. I think my eyes are pretty nice. Those also happen to be the two things people will compliment, if they compliment anything. No disagreement here. But why, again, is it so wrong of me to think of myself as average? Is my attitude somehow unhealthy? I'd argue that it's in fact quite healthy. I keep myself clean, my fingernails trimmed, my face and hair washed. But there's nothing else I can do beyond that. I can't change my genes, and I sure as hell am not so vain as to ever want any kind of plastic surgery.

I don't need to think that I'm especially handsome to be in a successful relationship. I've got a lot of other things going for me, and if my (potential) mate finds me attractive as well, I'll consider that a bonus.

I don't think I'm ugly. I'm not overweight; I'm in good shape. I wear glasses but that doesn't bother me. I'm fairly tan, have no huge blemishes, and have perfectly manageable hair. But I'm just ordinary looking. It's not something I get down about, but I do like to be realistic about things. Why should I think I'm hot stuff if I'm not? How does some false sense of ego get me anywhere? Why is thinking I'm fairly ordinary a "bad thing?" Why must people, when I tell them I think I'm ordinary looking, tell me that I'm not? I'm not anorexic - you don't need to tell me how thin I am.

Hrmph. Maybe I'll be an awesome looking 40-year old.

75 Responses to "Feeling Ugly"

  1. Hi, um, not sure how I look really, I mean, no sense of it at all, really. Was just going to say that I am a guy and I am really not attracted to supermodels or actresses... I mean, hm, hard to describe, but I can see that some of them are attractive phyiscally, but my irritation with them far outweighs their looks and I end up being turned off by them. They are very fakey, always dying their hair and putting on cakes and cakes of makeup, supermodels are especially weird, a bit like aliens. I meet much prettier girls in real life, and yeah, I mean, off the top of my head I can't really think of any girls that aren't pretty. I don't know, I mean, everyone looks different,and all girls are girls.

    Anyone who is confident in themselves and on the up and up instantly becomes pretty, in my opinion. I think it is more about personality than looks, personality makes looks. It's like that old saying, "whether you think you'll succeed or fail, you're right."

    Granted, probably all guys aren't this way, some go for large bosomed, fake-blondes with no brains, but I have never really been attracted to girls like that. People who care only about looks aren't worth the while anyway, there is more to life than romance. I would prefer to be surrounded by friends my whole life without ever having a romantic relationship than to be in a romantic relationship that was based on looks and had no friendship value, that would be absolute hell!

  2. Advice

    Erik talks about some lame advice column over at NSLog(). The only advice column I read is Savage Love. Here's a representative column. You gotta love a column that holds a contest to invent a term for a man being...

  3. hi man. get in touch. i feel a similar way to you, would be good to chat about it

  4. I'm 25 (yesterday in fact, 9th March is my birthday!!) and I wasted so much of my teens feeling too afraid to walk out of the door because I was convinced I was ugly. Despite the fact that I am extremely kindhearted, talented musically and have an IQ high enough to make me a member of Mensa, society still besieges me with images of how I should look, and worse, 90% of the men around me believe it and ignore me as a result! I still get the jitters now despite being in my mid twenties. I am a size 16 and pleasantly plump, I am also a genetic mixture, I am English with light brown hair but have been told I look Southern Italian. I look, in short, different I guess. Maybe that's it! It's almost like people today are using popular culture as a safety net, seeing people who conform to it as more "safe" and trustworthy than those of us who have our own presence in life. So they automatically go for the fashionable types. Logically they are as many fashionable psychos as there are anoraks but for some strange reason the human intellect cannot seem to get over first impressions and looks!! It annoys me but what can we do?

  5. i feel the same way! everyone tells me im beautiful or gourgous when i meet them. but personaly i dont think so. i often feel very down about myself. i dont even like it when i goto a tanning salon or any type of beauty salons..i feel ugly and there mirrors dont help.i sometimes get freckles on my face i absouluty hate them they come back i sometimes just want to kil myself literally ..itslike theres always someone better

  6. Feeling fine about one's mediocre appearance is great... unless you like those of us who don't get any interest at all. It's no fun then.

    I know I'm ugly, as even I wouldn't go for me. Plus if I don't even get a second look...

  7. As a guy, I too feel pressure. One can feel painfully aware of than handsome appearance at times, regardless of gender. It depends on the day or the mood I am in really. My mom was a model and unfortunately I got my Dads looks...but what can ya do? I am not hideous. I am physically fit, smart, funny, artistic, kind and caring. I wouldn't change a thing about who I am...and yet...if I had one wish, It'd be to be better looking. Yuck...vanity! But maybe its biological. Maybe Its not a media thing really...I couldn't care less about celebrity or what a magazine says is hot. I'm just talking about my own life experiences. Rejection hurts, and deep down beneath it all, we are all still animals....we all have a genetic need to mate. Except we are animals who are "self aware", which makes being rejected a painful thing indeed. Bummer. I try to put things into perspective though. Life is short. Beauty fades. Even the most handsome or beautiful among us fall prey to times withering effects. Bwa-ha-ha! In the end, your quality of life really is whats on the inside. If looks are all you focus on, keep in mind, there is nothing sadder than an aging beauty or hunk who still clings to that as the be all end all of existance. Talk about unhappy! None the less, even knowing this...rejection still hurts. Especially if you feel you were rejected for the way you look. Heck, you can change anything else about yourself, but not the way you were born...and if you focus on that, its the worst feeling. I can have my bad days...feeling ugly or down about myself just like anyone else. I'm feeling pretty down now actually. But reading these posts, you realize you're not alone. It'll pass...and even though you might have been will find love again. There is someone out there who will find you attractive.

  8. waking up and feeling ugly is like a cold you just can't shake. some days it may ease up a bit, you may even start to breathe a little more easily. but a day in front of the tv, reading a magazine, or even just going out in public and seeing attractive people gives you "the sniffles." next thing you know, you're down and out for a good day or two. it'd be a great feeling, not wanting to punch the mirror... sadly i think most of us would still feel inadequate even if we were the most beautiful person in the entire world. my friends think i'm ridiculous and maybe psycho. i guess it's kinda like anorexia. no matter what you really look like, or what people tell you, you look in the mirror and see UGLY. and if you stare in that mirror too long it might break... from your fist smashing through it 🙂 Therapy has helped me a lot. It's hard to erase 24 years or feeling obsolete to the male race. even now that i have a steady boyfriend of 2 years. it's hard to undo 24 years of training myself to feel ugly.

  9. I agree. I never did feel beautiful even though people around me didn't say that I was ugly. That's just it, they didn't say I was ugly and they never told me I was handsome either. It's kinda hard living that way, not knowing where you stand. When I was a child, I often told myself that I was beautiful and that everything was okay. But it's kinda difficult to do everyday, without validation. I envy people who have accepted themselves as the less attractive ones, for they know which category they belong and they go about doing things that make up for it. The problem with ugliness is that, often times it isn't validated. Somehow they are just like whispers spoken in the mind. Maybe, that's the problem some of us are facing. Nobody really told us that we are ugly. And somehow we begin to doubt. When people don't say we are ugly, we are dealing with loose ends. We may or may not be ugly...heck we may not be beautiful at all or worse, we don't exist to anybody. As a boy, I had to face a day to day nightmare of convincing myself that I wasn't ugly at all but somehow things get to you. You get bored and doubt starts to creep in. As I got older, things went from bad to worse. I mean, some of the days you feel fine. People adore, smile and look at you like you are beautiful. But in days when people don't even bother to see you, you feel like the most ugliest person in the world and you feel like dying. I just wished they hadn't look at it me at all for I feel much worse than I already am. The questions I always asked myself is why do I still feel ugly even though people are not saying that I am. And why do I associate ugliness with people appreciating me. I don't want to sound humbug but I think we all deserve to receive a sign, no matter how slight, everyday that we look good. People say not to associate your behaviour, or the behaviour of others to your self-worth. But what good is self talk when you don't get validation that it is okay.

  10. I personally have felt ugly all my life. People have said I'm pretty/beautiful/cute, but I've never REALLY believed it. I'm slim, very petite, pear-shaped with dark brown hair & brown eyes. My features are fairly small & I have clear skin. However, I have a severe body-image disorder.

    No matter what I do, it seems that I will be an ugly failure till my death. Sounds nuts, but it's the truth. American society is very detrimental to healthy self-image...if you don't fit in, if you aren't 100% "perfect" and "without flaw", then you might as well be invisible. It doesn't help that my Jamaican family put a lot of pressure on me as a young girl. I was pretty in their eyes...but on the other hand, they ridiculed me for it. My breasts were too small, my bum too big, I was oddly shaped, etc. Whenever I try to love myself & find my own way, it only takes the memory of a hurtful comment or a withering glance to totally destroy me again.

    I am confused, at times. If I am "beautiful", then why have I so often been the object of ridicule & rejection? If I am "ugly", then why do men stare at me? My experiences from my perspective have been very painful. I am now in my 20's & extremely introverted. I avoid contact with people for fear they will judge me based on my appearance. I hate to look at pictures of myself. I hate every part of myself, I often wish I could be somebody else for a moment, I have never had a true friend in my life because nearly all my "friends" have turned out to be disloyal, I can't even maintain eye contact with people because I'm so ashamed of myself (and people often accuse me of staring, although it's not true). Very few people care about me. It's a brutal reality that no one wants to admit, but it's true. I know there are other people out there with far worse problems, but my own problem is more real to me because I am the one feeling this way. My feelings of worthlessness are compounded by the fact that I have a rare learning disability & cannot do "normal" jobs. I have had suicidal thoughts for years & I have worked as a prostitute. I have never felt good, pretty, smart, etc. So it goes to show that the way a person feels about his/her appearance can affect his/her life depends on the person, and everyone has their own experiences & perspectives on this issue.

  11. There is this one guy i am friends with at school and he always tells me i am beautiful. But i certainly don't feel i am and i always tell him but he just keeps on saying it. It feels as though he wants to bullshit me cuz he no's he will hurt me with the truth. I recently got accepted into a model agency in sydney but however i feel like the ordinary 'Plain Jane'. I don't have any special features...and when i was 12 i broke out with acne and only recently has it started to go away. I clearly remeber this one girl who would put me down in grade 7 and 8...simple because i had pimples. She would call me ugly and acne face....and my self confidence went down hill from there. I always compare myself to the more beautiful and wish i was like them. There is this one girl in my class who is a model and she is stunning. She does model work all the time. And i am so jelouse and i no that sounds bad. Ooh well thats my story.... Contact me if you want...

  12. yes, if your normal and you see all these images of superstars and supermodels all around you all the time staring at you with their perfect bodies and fake smiles, of course you'll feel ugly!! that's how the cosmetics industry works and that's why they make billions of dollars every year!! They tell you that you're ugly and they show you some anorecsic supermodel and tell you:" if you want to be beaufitul like her buy our products!"

    That's why many regular women feel ugly and their men don't help them feel better either! cuz every loser wants to date a supermodel although he can't afford's sad but what you have to do is to feel good about yourself and don't let anyone bring you down and don't beleive everything what they tell you or show you, have your own opinion of yourself and don't be a zombie like most people hypnotized by the beauty industry...

  13. I feel the same, I used to think I was quiet good looking, (Vanity got the better of me) but when I reached the age of about 16 I suddenly thought myself to be very grim. . . What makes it worse is that my brother has all the looks he is the younger brother and is 19 years old (Im 21) it so bad I mean but moments ago I was in Burger King having lunch with him and as we sat there two girls made eye contact with him. . . about 30 seconds later they came back in and handed him their numbers on the back of a safeways reciept, thats the sort of thing that reminds me how ugly I am. . . I feel the pain that it appears everyone else does. I try everything I try changeing my hair I try changeing my clothes style. . . but as I sit here and write this very forum post, I read back and realise how very vain I am being. . . Why do I care? I dont know . . . . This may be vanity at its peak but alas I would certainly give 10 IQ for better looks. . . . . Hmmm I feel a little selfish now to. . .damn.

  14. like the rest of you, i suffer from a negative sense of body image. my 3 year relationship with a very lovely girl fell apart becuase i was obsessed with my weight and i couldnt help always looking at my body in any and all reflective surfaces, i knew it was stupid and my girlfriend always told me i was beutiful and attractive but the message never sank in. she was the kind of person who had no interest in looks. she didnt care what she looked like and my obssesive behaviour frustrated her, especially since my vanity extended to her and i began nagging her to dress diffarently. reading this back i could almost cry for how stupid i was.

    my wieght has fluctuated alot in the last six years, now im quite thin but i still worry that im ugly but now i am determined to overcome this stupid emotional affliction, it is something all humans need to work on, i sympathise with Lee and his brother always getting hit on and not him it has happend to me most of my life but it happens to so many people, i dont feel alone at all. we all want to pass on our genes, we are animals after all. thats why we care about looks but we when we focus on looks too much we are wasting our lives. you only live once (IMO) and life is really very short, we cant spend it mopping around with eyes at our feet. all you people who feel they are ugly wake up to what is more important in life. every one out there lift your head up high and realise that as cliched as it sounds beuty IS on the inside. what people admire most in others is confidence and someone who cares about others. the next time something happens like you are ignored by someone because they dont find you attractive, you need to make the decision to either let it bother you or just look right past it. its easier to say than do, i know im still working on it myself but a person who is not bothered by the petty superficial social behavior of the western world is in my books more amazing and attractive than any model. everyone is diffarent and every one is capable of making their life amazing.

  15. I could listen Christina Aagulria's version of how she's beautiful no matter what she says, but at the end of the day, I see her on the cover of a magazine and I think, damn, that girl is dirty, not in a sexually attractive way, more in a 'please wash your face' kind of way. Although the lyrics hold the kind of values that people like me should be responding to, it's hard to keep a positive aspect when the world of Media, and gorgeous Angelina Jolie look-a-likes walk side by side me while men are free to make the obvious comparison. I'm good-looking, I know I'm good looking, but this western world has brought me up with the mentality to believe that I need to be better, I need to have more, I need to have bigger lips, longer hair, bigger boobs, a tighter butt. And it's almost like the pressure is suffocating me. I can watch movies that project moral values about loving your self before any body else, or listen to T.L.C's 'Pretty' and hear heart warming story's about 'Stepping out of the Box' on Opera, and it works, for the first week or so. But no matter how I drive away from the idea of focusing on my physical appearance, sometimes, it just comes right back to bite my ass. And that's the truth, ask any woman you know.

    But there's more, I know there's another horrific characteristic about me, not only do I throw my self in with those who strive to be more, I know that I'm greedy in that particular aspect. Looking at the world at large' Imagine explaining this to a dying Ethiopian woman, who's starving to death, and lives a life that's left her nothing but the purest kind of suffering and destitution. God, look at us this idea of obtaining materialistic things and man made products to enhance our features has brought us nothing but jealousy, greed, sickness (anorexia)' all that left is impairment. If I look at Paris Hilton with her snake skin purse and blonde curls standing next to this Ethiopian woman, Paris Hilton would be the ugliest woman I have ever set my eyes on. But then again, that would just be ones opinion. Whenever I look at my self in the mirror, I think of this' and I wash my make-up off, wear a regular t-shirt and jeans that simply feel comfortable, and for the rest of the day I focus on things that matter' because there are far, far worse things then a little overweight, or a zit, or whatever' Imagine if the world came to terms with this.


  16. I wish that my husband would read this and start to sympathize with what I am feeling. He gets very frustrated when I tell him how ugly or fat I feel. For some reason he can't grasp the understanding of me feeling this way. He thinks it is something so abnormal and wishes this, as if a phase, would just pass already. I pray all the time for my insecurities to go away more for his sake now than for mine although living in myself, seeing myself reflecting off the mirror makes me cry. I am even almost to the point where I can't watch t.v. or go out anymore because I can't help comparing myself to other women. My husband tsks at this, tells me other women aren't as insecure as me, and that if they were, he'd just die. It makes me feel like a burden on top of my insecurities, like I am stupid for being so into vanity and outside appearances. It is true that it is what's on the inside that counts but just how many people really take that to heart? No matter how hard people try, they can't help but categoize and judge people. This is what makes me sick.

  17. I was builled at school becasue i was werid looking and ugly i know im ugly as people tell me all the time and give me your ugly looks.

    I am alone an have no friends im not married i am not good enough for people.

    I wish i had a friend mind you.

    So if people tell me im ugly then fine im ugly. i will agree with them.

    thank you for your time.

  18. Oh how heartbreaking. I've been horribly ridiculed, openly rated, and in some cases publicly humiliated by males growing up; in two cases it was ridicule by two beautiful women about my own age.

    I hate to look at my own photos and hate to have photos taken and constantly feel like an "it" in front of men my age.

    Ridicule feels like hatred and it cuts to the core. It transformed you from a human being into a thing. A worthless nothing.

    It scares and hurts and pierces and degrades. As you see yourself through others' condemning eyes, you want to shrink away and become nothing. You just want to melt into yourself. You start to hate yourself too...just because others hate your looks.

    For "non-beautiful" women it's a pain that's unimaginable. A deep, searing, dull aching wound in the heart. The cold realization of rejection and even hatred, Feeling you're not good enough. Feeling like your identity as a human being can be reduced to a body part. Feeling like you're a joke. Our society tends to equate a woman's entire worth as a human being with her looks. It's deeply demoralizing and very painful.

    The saddest thing for me's killed a part of me I cherished deeply - my romantic ideals, my yearning for a partner, my natural femininity. I hide these things, bury them from the outside world - men in specific - so I won't get wounded. I don't want them to see that part of me. That's the part I buried because I just couldn't stand any more rejection. So I de-sexed myself. Became gender neutral. Squelched and stomped on my desires for a partner, my desire to be loved. Risking it is too much for me.

    Sorry...I come from a violent home where my father and brother brutally beat me, choked me, etc. Having males publicly humiliate me and ridicule me definitely damaged all potential for trust. Wow, I'm 24 and terrified of men. Totally avoid them.

  19. its so sad and unfortunate that we are made to feel like we are are of less worth just because we may not be instatntly attractive. look at it this way: what is the worst case scenario....? you are the ugliest person in the world? oh well, time to focus on something else. if you can be happy being ugly you will be able to be happy and you can stop constantly worrying. people who are worried they are ugly are those who are not really sure if they are or not, decide onece and for all what you are and be happy with it. but never let it stop you doing everything you want to do.

    try to pull away from thinking being beutiful is so important. the human soul is capable of experiencing so much joy, through music and art and the vast and infinite beuty of the universe in which we live and being attractive to others is only one small part of life. dont let being ugly (which in all honesty you probably arent one tenth as unattarctive as you think)stop you from having an awesome day.

    everything is what you make of it, forget everyone who as ever scorned you or told you that you dont look good, they are obviusly stuck in thier own world of insecurities otherwise the thought wouldnt have crossed thier mind. you have so much to offer the world.

  20. I'm with Frowny...I can't believe how much we have in common (although it was my stepfather & other men who treated me badly).

    Low self-esteem caused me to do a lot of terrible things to myself, like being promiscuous because I felt it was a temporary escape, a way of winning approval. When men do compliment me, my defenses come up, perhaps because of all that I've experienced. And what's odd is that I have a cousin who is morbidly obese & frankly unattractive in both looks and personality...yet people admire her for some reason. She constantly calls attention to herself by being obnoxious & talking about her breasts (I swear, you would believe she's the only woman who has 'em by the way she acts!)

    As I stated above, it's difficult to feel pretty when other people make you feel like shit. People don't come into this world hating themselves...that's learned behavior. I didn't start feeling like this really until I was about 11 years old & suddenly it wasn't okay to just be me. All I really like about myself is the fact that I've never been a follower. People try to hassle me about that too, but I would never change the things I love to suit them. I am my own person. My family didn't help much because they hold my overweight cousin up as a model of what I should be, which is ridiculous, not only because of the vast size/weight difference but our personalities, etc. as well.

    I'm a firm believer that beauty definitely comes from within. Some of the prettiest people are really ugly, & some ugly people are really pretty. It all depends on your attitude. And it does piss me off when people accuse me of staring. Come on now, I mind my own damn business & I don't bother anybody! I'm quiet and reserved because most of the time I lack confidence. My conversation skills are terrific but it depends on who I'm around, sometimes it's hard to open up if I'm uncomfortable around certain folks. I'm always puzzled by the staring accusation, because I never maintain eye contact with people for longer than a second. And I've noticed that the same people who accuse me of staring can't seem to take their eyes off me. I know because I catch them when I look up. You feel them looking & you don't know whether they're admiring you or being critical. And worse when you hear them talking about you while they're looking. It makes me squirm. Sometimes it's been total strangers!

    I feel ugly & weird because of this. The other day, this guy at my university says, "You stare a lot, what's your deal?" And I'm like, "No, what's your deal? You were looking at me!" I wasn't trying to be rude, but it really bothers me because I'm self-conscious and this only adds to it. It makes me feel like a freak or a weirdo. If somebody stares at you for a long time for no apparent reason, and it happens often wherever you go, you wonder if something really is wrong with you, some physical defect only other people notice or maybe boogers that were invisible to your eye. I'm not a frightfully ugly girl, I'm fairly presentable, I'm intelligent, articulate, & very sweet. However, we all have our share of problems and no one's perfect. I'm busy worrying about my problems, I'm off in my little world, and here I am being accused of staring folks down. Tough luck for us ugly people, isn't it? *smile*

    Still, anybody can feel good if they practice being kind to others, take care of themselves, & fake confidence.

  21. I agree. I am always kind to others. I take care of myself, and I fake confidence. Sometimes I feel like the best actor in the world. So much so, that I have dated some beautiful women. But deep down, and unbeknowest to them, I feel like the ugliest guy in the world. Its like I live in this self delusional world, that has enabled me to survive, but all I have to do is see one picture of myself and the illusion is shattered. My world falls apart. I realize that as much good cheer that I project, that its all an act. When I fall apart, I just dissapear for a long time. Then re-appear when I can bury my self hatred enough to let the "show" go on. I'm so good at projecting confidence, that no one knows how ugly I feel. How much I want to not live with this face anymore.

  22. I know whats its like to be left out and be told im different too. I hate my self all the time everyday but i just listen to music and cheer my self up by watching a movie. I am always kind to others. I have just started taking care of my self i used to be a pretty kid and then came my teenage life when NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW ME well thats what i was thinking i know alot of people dont like me for sure as i am ugly and not very pretty, it bothers me i have depression now and PEOPLE DONT CARE, people never realy spoken to me or hung around with me now i am no good with people cant trust anyone but thats just me. I have had people put me down for things in my life and i could go on forever but i wont BORE THE DAYLIGHTS OUT OF YOUR LIFES.

  23. Hi all,

    what amazingly frank confessions!

    I think i relate to feeling 'invisible'. I think I am glad to feel invisible because the other side of the coin would be to be ridiculed - invisibility is better. I was bullied when i was in year nine. Everyday i went to school i was bullied for a whole term (10 weeks) and i decided to leave school but being so young i couldnt find a job. So i had to go back to school.

    My mum suggested that i ask the girl why she was bullying me just in case i could somehow make amends. Her answer shocked me - she said that she didnt like me full stop. At least if i had done something i could have fixed it but now there was nothing i could do. Talk about rejection!

    What i noticed about your testimonies is that many of us feel bad about ourselfs.

    this feeling is exasperated by negative comments by people we supposedly called 'loved ones' -our family and friends.

    i fell inlove with this guy who wasnt handsome he was intelligent and interesting but he was so negative and critical in a sublte kind of way that being with him was like a slow death that nearly killed my self esteem. I realized that he never fed me spiritually he was actually starving me of affection and any sort of affirmation. And the crazy thing was that he considered himself my best friend. I thought that he was my friend too. what he didnt realize was that his behaviour was anti-women. he has since changed but the scar of those times remains.

    i was such a putz - so naive that i just stayed with him. what i should have done was end it - but the other crazy thing was that i thought that i loved him - what a dilemma.

    It was not until i was house sitting for him that i found a letter he wrote me to butnever sent it that i realised what a selfish man he was. In many ways he just wanted to use me.I was his comfort pillow. That was when i ended it. He and I stayed in touch but he was and is in a world all his own unaware of the pain he can cause.

    Because i cared for him so much i became extremely critical of myself - he constatly told me his standards - not asking me to change only stating what he wanted and approved of so it was sublte. This experience eroded my self esteem.

    Today i feel better and i dont think about my looks anymore. I am ok the way i am. At the end of the day PEACE is more precious. I would rather live alone than with someone who didnt apreciate me.

    good luck all of you - may we all find peace when we look in the mirror.

    may we find people that love us and help us to grow on the inside. May we learn to love ourselfs despite what anyone says.

  24. What makes a person ugly? or hideous? Is it just because we're born a certain way, no it isn't. Acceptance of ugliness is is the start but it can be changed if one truly want it to be. Beauty is truth, truth is beauty, when one lacks truth and doesn't know where he/she fits in or who he/she really is then we stand out as ugly. Sure, natural traits can make us look a bit dim on the looks department, but if you know how you want to be and want to feel better about your looks, it all starts with you.

    I've been calls ugly about 7 times in the past, all from different people... I wondered why, and then I realized... Throughout the whole time I was referred to as ugly, I had no truth to myself. Even when noone was looking at me I still felt like I was in the spotlight, I made funny faces and tryied to be unatural by making my face better, in result that truly made me ugly. I wondered why I looked so damn out of place on photos, and why when at home in the mirror I felt fine about myself. It's how you react to the environment around YOU, if you want to feel weak go right ahead, be miserable, but just remember that blaming yourself is a reasonable conclusion when you yourself haven't taken the drastic measures to change your life around. In result I realized, everyone has their ugly faces... it's only whether you choose to show it.

  25. some people dont have the right image to fit in with others in the world.

    any ever seen movies where the outcasts get famous for being excluded from everyone else around them just for being outcasts,

    Image is a funny thing.

  26. hi.i have the same problem. growing up it felt like everyone was prettier than me. guys would only notiice the girls who were with me even though i thought i was quite cute. when i look at my pictures i like what i see. i like my smile and my skin. but i notice that guys rarely pay any attention to me. i'm black so i don't have the pressure to be skinny, blonde wth big boobs. but black people also have their standards, primarily light skin and long hair. because i dont have these features guys dont notice me. but more and more i am focussing on loving my unique self as no one can do that for me. i appreciate how i look and value my looks for the next 20 years coz when they fade i will not have them to complain about.

  27. i can look ok some times in photos

    I can look ok sometimes in mirrors

    Other times i look werid,

    But why do i look ok sometimes?

  28. as a kid, and young teenager i was very good looking, and i was conscious of this fact. i remember in 8th grade, girls would say that i would be so hot as a high schooler. parents of my friends would talk about how handsome i was! so growing up, as u can imagine, i was fully aware of this. however, everything ended up wrong. in about 2 years, this looks faded away. my faced matured in the wrong way, so now i don't look anywhere near as good as i did before --- no where near! it's just really frustrating sometimes, because it feels like my whole world has collapsed.

  29. It makes me feel so much better to see that I'm not the only person who feels this way. I've always felt uglier than my friends, ever since I was a small child. I was picked on during my first years of secondary school (age 11-14), being called "big nose" and ugly, and those remarks have always stayed with me. Even when I get male attention I don't quite believe it, I almost feel that they're only paying me attention because there's no one better in the room yet. I'm so infuriating to people because when they do compliment me I always disagree with it. I recently came out of a four year relationship and all these issues that went away because I felt loved and attractive in boyfriend's eyes have come back ten fold and I find myself wanting to cry when I see photos of myself. It's strange because when I look in the mirror I think I look ok but as soon as I see a photo of myself I can't believe it! I look awful! So which image do I believe? My reflection or the photo? I have quite an assymetric face, which is quite long and one of my eyes is bigger than the other. Maybe other people don't notice but it's all I can see when I look at myself, as well as my huge nose! People have said I'm gorgeous, but that's usually in a dark, drunken environment. How do I feel beautiful to myself without worrying what other people think? Feeling like this is such a waste of time but it's all consuming, I can't escape it! I seem to be my own worst enemy, I sometimes wonder if therapy would do me any good?

  30. I found all of you while I was looking for something written on beautiful people who feel ugly. The entire are not ugly. You only feel that way because of how people react to you. You only feel that way because of what someone has said. But let's face it, people are wrong everyday...and their opinions are shit. I was teased relentlessly in school...called a nerd. What did I hear? Thank you for asking. "You are so-and-sos sister?" "Why can't you look like your sister?" and from my step mother "It is a good thing you are the smart one."

    And so now...let me see if I can paint a picture. I am intelligent...since I had absolutely no social life while attending academics got all my attention. However, today I am what most would consider "hot". I look about 10 years younger than I actually am. I have men of all ages (and some women) ask me out...constantly. But let me tell you...they can kiss my ass. They are superficial. I still see myself as that painfully shy child. The girl who didn't bother wearing make-up or doing anything with her hair. I prefer "real" people. Unfortunately as most of us know...pretty people are NOT real.

    I have learned something tho...let me share it with you. Most of attractiveness is attitude. Act like you belong in that room, people won't question you. Act like you like being at a nice dinner alone, people will buy it. Act like you don't give a shit that everyone looks at them when they walk in a room...and you have "hidden" gifts that no one even knows about. Learn your own value. Don't let someone else place a pricetag on you. To the lady who's husband doesn't understand. Do you know why he doesn't understand? It is NOT because he is an insensitive prick. He doesn't understand, because to him, you have value. He wouldn't trade you for anyone. He married you. Do not focus on yourself. Focus on him. All of us when we struggle...we are looking at ourselves...and worse yet, critically. Face some rock. To rock. And if you don't you haven't met them yet...and you have the wrong

    I feel sooooo stupid walking in a room sometimes. Everyone looks and I think the worst. Let me tell you, your thots are probably incorrect...and even if you do know what they are thinking...who really cares. Is anything a complete stranger says to you life changing? It should only be on one condition...if it changes you for the better...otherwise, let it slide. Truly slide.

    Crap...I realize typing this how deeply affected I still am by everyone who spoke ill of me while I was a child. I am still all messed up. I am a hot nerd. And I wouldn't give up any iq points for my apperance. In the end it won't why in the hell should it now? There are so many typos in this...I really am

    What was it that Eleanor Roosevelt said..."No one can make you feel inferior without your help." As a Nation, as a people as individuals...we need to learn our value. Not in a surface value...but as ourselves...we matter. Each of us.

    Sorry this is so long...I guess after all this time...mean people just still piss me off.

  31. It's interesting how the human mind works. If we are told good things, we don't believe them. If we are told bad things, we do believe them. Not only do we believe them, but we obsess over them. I don't know why that is. How can we be so beat up, that we can't beleive that we have good qualities. I often wonder what would make me beautiful. What worldly qualities could I have to make me happy with myself. To tell you the truth, I could spend hours thinking it over. But, in my better moments, I realize that it wouldn't matter. True beauty is really on the inside. I realize that no matter what the mirror shows me, I must face it. I can not run from what I think of myself by avoiding how I look. In addition, I will only find comfort within myself. The human mind teaches us that there is one kind of beauty, World Beauty (as I like to call it). Ya know what, screw world beauty. Its fake anyway! So the problem at hand is, what will make us feel beautiful. Only we can do that. We might feel as though a man or woman will fill that void. Guess what, your wrong! The void is a 'self-void.' Though we may feel ugly or unloved because of situations or people in our past(or present). However, it can only be cured within ourselves. I know that it is not easy to embrace who you are, but only in doing so can you find your beauty. You must face (and forgive) your past and your present, before you can be healed. And I beleive that in being healed, you will discover your personal beauty.

    I don't know if my words will touch anyone, and thats ok. But if they speak volumes to you, let if show. There is only one you! Make sure the world knows it!

  32. let me just say, i think you people are all beutiful, i agree and sympathise with so much of what is posted here. i find it so comforting that i am not alone. feeling bad about how one looks is unbeliveble common. i think everyone has at least some issues with their physical appearance and the road to a truly happy and fullfilling life is too forget oneself and focus on all the other amazing things in life.

    (sorry if i sound like a broken record but perhaps if say it enough it will actually sink in too both your head and mine)

  33. Carey and I were married on Friday, May 27, 2005. It was a small ceremony behind the district justice's office (the outgoing Frank Abate), next to a playground and near to some trees that "everyone picks." It cost all of...

  34. OK you guys are all weirdos don't you even see what happens to anorecsic people out in this crazy world? And your just going to follow and really really skinny and look really gross cuz you can see your bones...go way past the way you eally wanna look....and then maybe just dieing still looking bad....? You would of looked better FAT!!! DUH!!! i mean c'mon don't do that to yourself..!!! i mean look at Jessica Simpson...Jennifer Lopez...and more they don't look all alot of anorecsic people they are stop thinking like should i say it?...yeah a STUPID IMCOMPLETE IDIOT!!! ashley

  35. I can relate to the words and the hurt that lies behind them on this page.

    I have always been very physically different. Always skinny and well, just not looked right in the eyes of others.

    I have not changed much in my 31 years and to be honest the comments and insults off strangers (and sometimes those I considered friends) have not changed much either.

    I have yet to find a way to deal with the pain and the hurt when comments are made or looks and stares come my way. I think that comes from having feelings. I don't really have the chance to date and have few friends.

    As has been written, it is a case of feeling invisable most of the time and when you are seen it is for the wrong reason. I never wanted to be beautiful, I just wanted people to accept that I am not, and not feel the need to look at me the way they do or say such hurtful things.

    Try and be positive.

  36. I really do not understand myself, i get told quite often im pretty and im not a skinny girl im a curvy size 14 but it seems im just shaggable and not good enough to be in a relationship with and this hurts because why tell some one they are very pretty, snog them even have sex with them but then nothing more!?! I am a very paranoid person due 2 drug abuse back a few years ago i am 20 years of age and still feel the need to have a friend with me when i go places, because i feel everyone is staring at me and talking about me.

    To be truthful its driving me fucking crazy i sit in my room and cry and cry because i feel worthless, I have a greeat group of friends who i could trust my life with and i have many male friends but i always have this fucking shit at the back of my mind.

    I have little respect for men i bother with as they have little respect for me, i met some1 who i loved and he told me he loved me we met each other we had sex but he wouldnt be with me, can any1 figure that out please!?! Im glad 2 say i do not bother with him any more coz he was just fucking with my head, A relation of 1 of my friends asked for my number and we arranged 2 go out through txt messages when we finally met we sat down had a little chat, went to another pub had a little kiss as you do but when i went to the toilet i came out and he had left his excuse was "it wasnt my fault the place was shit" ow fucking spiteful can u be, that stupid prick has knocked my confidence just like every other man that has come in2 my life.

    And i know i shouldn't feel like this but i get really jealous and nasty i constantly compare myself to ANYONE and EVERYONE wether its clothes, figure i hate feeling like this becasue im not a bad person and this makes me look bad i hate meeting new people and going new places incase people judge me, my friends always call me stupid but they just dont understand i recently nearly commited suicide my parent went away and i drank myself silly and held the sharpest knife i could find for hours i sat there contemplating on wether to do it or not and i now think i made the wrong decision, i feel so fucked up and alone its like no1 understands me

  37. Character and personality are what attract the right people. Looks might be very useful to attract the superficial "hanger ons" but an attractive character is endearing (well thats wht i use to make myself feel better). Whilst i would love to be handsome, i would feel insulted if people liked me for my looks as they are the first to be disloyal and superficial. Glamour and looks can be acheived by anyone with the right tools but personality and character isnt.

    Being "ugly" gives us a different perspective and appreciate things, we have the kindest hearts and greatest character. So perhaps we should focus on our positives and have the confidence to feel better about ourselves. Kindness, character and confidence in my opinion definitely are permanent, everything else is temporary. How many times have people seen a drop dead gorgeous person then you watch the way they behave and they become very ugly, and you contrast with someone who isnt so "beautiful" but their behaviour and personality makes them an absolute stunner. I say beleive in your self and never discount yourself due to looks as personality is what makes a person attractive. I could harp on but will spare you guys the drama. But just wanted to say i feel a lot better reading your posts and made me feel better


  38. well.. after reading all of your posts..... it has some what made me come to grips more with reality and the comforting fact that their are others like me out there, who feel the same way... my story is a bit different however... growing up i was the funny kid.. i had all the guy friends and was considered a popular kid... however i was scrawny and i looked very immature.. i didnt have any girlfriends through all of middle school and freshman year of highschool... my friends who happend to be all jocks... were pretty good looking fellows.. i wished almost every night that for once i could be the good looking guy.. i prayed to God for looks, and for the dreams of being the rich handsome millionare stud that every 15 year old kid dreams of. well finally sophomore year in highschool, and something very different happened.. i matured.. i grew alot, and began sproouting facial hair... but more so i began realising that i was "good looking." i would get noticed by girls as i passed them at the malls.. i had girls calling me at all hours.. i even had multiple girlfriends (not proud of) and as time went on... my whimsical looose and unconfident feeling was soon replaced with vanity, cockiness, and shallowness.. i began needing attention.. i started posting pics of myself on various picture rating websites to see what i would get.. and yes.. my scores were very high.. and i got alot of responses from other girls sayin i was hot or whatever.. but none of this ever sank in.. for some reason i could never get over the fact that i was good looking. "no it cant be, its just a good picture" i would tell myself. and so the need for more compliments and more attention came about... and now i have reached the epitomy of it all. i am depressed becuase i feel that even though im good looking.. im not the BEST looking.. someone out there is always gonan be better looking, and theres nothing i can do about it... i am just one person in a very big world.. a world where everyone looks different and everyone has their own preference. when i go out in public i am always looking around for girls with the sick intention of getting them to stare back at me, so i can feel noticed... so i can feel wanted. the truth of it all is i know im not the best.. im far from it. i mmight be shallow in the way i look but im in no way blinded by the reality that lies ahead of me. im trying to help myself by not going on sites like hot or not anymore and im trying to make myself feel good not with shallow remarks about looks, but more so on things such as intellect, or the fact that im a very determined person... needless to say its a very hard transition.. haha picture trying to stop smoking cold turkey when your used to 2 packs a day.. thats what im feeling now.. so if anyone could give me some advice or at least a recognition if youve been where ive been. that would be very comforting.. thanks for all your time and thanks for listoning to me...

  39. and one more thing.... someone made a comment earlier stating that they wouodlnt be so vain as to ever get plastic surgery.. the way i look at it is that if something you can do is going to make you feel better, becuase for whatever reason you were self conscious about it before.. then there is nothing wrong with having it changed.. its only when one becomes obsessed with plastic surgery and tries attaining results that just arent possible.. thats when there is a problem.. but if you think that having a smaller nose, or a more dominate chin will make you more confident to the opposite sex.. then whats so wrong with making yourself happy?

  40. Im glad to see, that I'm not the only guy feeling that way.

  41. i think im ugly im 17 and i started feeling ugly when i was like in 5th grade.people say im beautiful and guys seem to like me most the time but i dont see it.i hate waking up to that....and it seems every mirrors diffrent. like i'll be thinking sometimes oh hey i look nice for once but then i go into this other mirror and i look disquasting..its like wich 1 do i believe...if i was pretty id look good in any mirror.i now dont go out very much its hard to get me out the door...i never feel ready..i cant explain it..but i will get ready like all day but it seems the more i try the worse i look.people always think im making an excuse so i dont have to go out.but i truly wanna i just feel i cant.i do think about just ending my so ashamed..and i hate it when im out and then i notice and absolutly gorgous like what am i doing here?..oh there goes my b/ i feel i cant get a b/f if theres girls like that aroud..if he ever saw her.well i think its your eyes that define you as beautiful and i happen to have ugly shaped eyes i think but whatever i just want out

  42. Hey gurl, I get how u feel, im a guy, but the same thing happens to me, and I get pissed off... cuz I think i'm gonna stay alone for the rest of my life... and I dont think I deserve to be alone, only the stupid guys get the girls... good guys, dont get anywhere... im a living example of it...

  43. awww......boxer i know what you mean though alotta girls like "bad boys" for some reason we have this thing about that image..but we truly dont want real bad boys..i like good guys too.its hard to find good men out there so im sure you'll get a g/f . for me guys seem to always wanna go out with me but im so caught up with feeling ugly so sometimes i cancel my plans with them..and there so confused.i dont wanna tell them the way i feel or they'll think im crazy.people think im crazy when they find out i think im ugly. i may have bdd...but its hard 4 me to believe cuz i truly think im ugly..but every1 else seems to not .so i just feel like i cant have a b/f until i feel good about myself..wich i think is never gonna happen unfortunatly. im not shallow..every1 rather be pretty or handsome than ugly right? when i see a beautiful girl on tv it just looks good to be like hey i wanna look like that.. every1 thinks i look like a model ..ive been asked to model..but i just cant =( i feel to ugly i dont see the beauty ..

  44. hey im 16 and i am constantly up and down on how i feel about my appearance. i have very low confidence so i always think that i need to look attractive when im going out and things and il admit it when im out on the street i get attention but in school nobody would take a 2nd look at me! school is mostly the reason im so unconfident and get depressed quite regularly! b4 i moved to this school i was a very confident person and felt good about the way i looked but didnt think about it too much! i think my obsession with wanting to be attractive so badly is starting 2 become unhealthy! all the guys in my school think they can just say anything hurtful to u and get away with it, and with me they do! i have a big nose so if they ever say something i never feel i can say anything back to them incase them make fum of my nose! its a horrible thing to feel, and b4 i moved 2 this school i didn't even really realise i had a big nose but now when i look in the mirror its the 1st thing i see.

  45. Life is complicated, I guess we guys just gotta live with it.. we have no other choice..., at least we have eachother here to support eachother... feel free to gimme ur messenger, so we can have a chat..., by the way Anna i've had a similar problem like urs in the past.. my nose isnt exactly small lol! and u know what I did to who dared calling me big nose?.... I gave em a broken nose...=D

  46. what is 'good looking' anyway. most everyone is 'good' looking. the problem most people have is they are worried about how they look and that worry consumes them and there unhappines begins to show on the outside. some people are very shallow and only care about looks, and who the hell would want to be with someone like that. as people grow and mature we begin to value the finer things in life. people's small imperfection are often the most attractive thing about them. forget about yourself and concentrate on doing something else with your life other than being attractive and a world of exciting things can open up.

  47. I am 18 years old. Back in grade 8 i had a ton of friends, was outgoing, and a bunch of girls liked me. Throughout the years that passed i began to hate the way i look with the help of people telling me that i was ugly. I've even been called ugly by my own closest friends. Just today i was called ugly by one of my good buddies. To add to all of this, my older sister is viewed as "hot" to all my friends and they always say stuff like "man, what happened to you, deff. got diff genes". I wish none of this stuff affected me and I could just accept who i am, but its just sooooooo hard.

  48. i know im ugly. All my friends are gorgeous and would never judge me for the way that i look but i still feel really crap around them sometimes because i become invisible next to them. then i feel bad for being so superficial, i mean im smart and healthy, and that i really value that, but sometimes just dont want to get out of bed because i feel like ive been hit over the head with the ugly stick.
    It makes me painfully shy around guys i like to the point where i just dont even bother trying because i feel i dont stand a chance. i mean its ridiculous, i still have stupid crushes from afar and never even talk to guys i like and im 18!i should be past this and living up my university days but i cant past this barrier in my mind that im this horrible ugly person.

  49. Hi everyone...
    Last night my friend told me he wants to be my boyfriend because even though he doesnt think im much to look at, he likes my personality and that makes him feel attracted to me. But all I keep thinking is, so ive had it finally confirmed that im not good looking. I wish it didnt hurt, i wish i didnt care...its like this deep need to be attractive. Thanks everyone for sharing your stories... it helped this morning while i try to come to terms with the reality of who I am.

  50. One time in high school one of my male friends actually told me that I didn't have a pretty face. Another guy made fun of me because I have very small breasts. When I was little my parents told me that I was nothing but fat and ugly and then they would brag about how slender and cute my sister is. My own boyfriend told me that he would rather go out with Avril Lavigne or Natalie Portman. He has a lot of female friends that guys would drool over. I don't know how to feel. I think he stays with me only because he thinks I am the best he can get. He told me one time that if any of his female friends had offered to sleep with him he would. I never got over it. He tells me that I am not ugly but I am sure he is lying. I feel like I won't ever be good enough.

  51. i'm in my 20s now..and i;ve always think of myself as this ugly kid who will die alone. i've had people telling me i'm cute. never pretty. just..cute. and my reply was always the same.. "i think you need glasses".

    its silly i know. ive had a few guys asking me out n stuff, but all the time i heard their friends, which happen to be my friends as well, saying things like "look at her..even with THAT look, she could get a bloke. if so, i'm sure anyone else can too". that was 4 years ago and yet i remember exactly how it felt like when i first heard it. it hurts.

    i had severe acne before, and now i'm reminded of the horrible past by these hideous scars on my face. i used to have all this people came up to me and told me "you should try balhblah blah really works for skin like yours". i just want to give a good fuckin slap on their faces, tell them to mind their own business and shove their shitty insensitive piece of mind somewhere else. i mean..i was having lunch, for frig's sake!

    and i used to try everything i could get my hands on to get a clear skin. tht costs me a lot, and my mom used to tell me "stop wasting your money on expensive stuff. buy the cheaper ones. besides, its not like they're gonna make any difference to your face". call me too sensitive, but i wouldve hoped i'd get better support from my own mother. thanks to all of that, insecurity has become my best friend until now. and i suppose it'll be that way forever.

    eventhough i;ve a wonderful boyfriend now, whom i love so much. my self esteem is so low, i often think of ending our relationship because i seriously believe he will never be able to look at my face and tell me i'm beautiful, or tell me he loves me without looking away. i bet he will never touch my face too. and everytime i think of this, i break-down.

    we met long time ago and nowadays we just keep in touch through phone or mails. and he thinks i'm cute. just so happens my scars isnt that obvious in photos. and i always try to take as many shots as i can so i could send him the best ones. we love photography. but i hate taking my own pictures. and he's always hoping that i'd send him some. i drives me angry sometimes because i'm so unconfident. and everytime i had him telling me how he thinks i'm cute, i just want to stop everything, be alone, and get out of the whole big lie. i did tell him its the miracle of photography, but he said tht cant be. i allowed him to think so, because i want to enjoy being adored while i still can. its terrible, and i'm not proud off it..

    i kept telling him how he deserves someone better. i feel threatened when i heard he has some cute female friends. i dont like to show my jealousy, but that also means its eating me alive because i shouldnt feel threatened. hes such a nice person. its just the fact that i never believe that anyone will love me or see me as a beautiful person. nice personality, sure. but when people look at you, do they only think of your personality alone?

    i've become an extremely shy person. i dont socialise much. i've a bunch of close knit friends whom i adore to bits, but i hate meeting people. somehow they will always have this look which i translate as "eeeww.. real-life ogre?" look.

    sometimes when i manage to hang tht insecurity away for a while, i really enjoy what life has given me. i enjoy being with my friends, i'm thankful fro what i've achieved, and i want to tell my boyfriend just how much i love him. but at tht moment, it struck me. i'm ugly. the best i could come up with is to tell him that i miss him. and it kills me to know tht because of this thought, i might lose him someday, and my theory would be right. tht i'll end up being alone after all.....

  52. I'm 22 and I used to be teased in high school, called "big nose", etc. Some boys still had crushes on me when I was around 15 or so, but nothing ever happened with them, apart from one I went out with for a little while. I remember a girl telling one of my friends that she can't believe I had a boyfriend because I wasn't that good looking! She wasn't anything special either, plain faced and obese, and I can't believe she actually thought she was better looking than me! I thought to myself, am I really that bad? I am not overweight, and I think I'm good looking apart from my nose, which I don't like one bit! It's long and has a bump on the bridge. Despite her comments, other girls had told me I was pretty or cute, but one said I was pretty but have a crooked nose!

    Now that I'm older, people give me compliments and say that I'm pretty, beautiful or that I look good. Guys on the street also check me out and sometimes I'm stared at. Some guys give me compliments too and say that I'm beautiful. My half brothers still insult me to this day. I don't know what to believe, the strangers that say I look good or the siblings that say I'm ugly. My brothers always make nasty comments and say that I'm ugly, etc. They never make any positive comments and I feel like they are always trying to bring me down. They are not that handsome either, but they always try to make me feel like I'm some kind of beast or something. I never say such things to them, even though they are not all that. When I look in the mirror, I think I'm pretty, I just don't like my nose. But when they make comments and say I'm ugly I start to feel like maybe they're right and I am not pretty at all.

    I have had a boyfriend since high school, and whenever I mentioned a nose job he'd always say "There's nothing wrong with your nose! Leave it." He'd tell me I was beautiful. I'm not sure if my face changed a little more since high school, but the taunts still haunt me to this day and I still believe that I have a big nose and sometimes feel ugly even though I get compliments from strangers or family friends.

    Since high school, noboby has told me that I have a big nose apart from a little boy that made a comment saying that I have a "sticky nose" and that I look like a boy, and that my eyes look ugly. My siblings also say that I'm ugly. Apart from those people, everyone else I have been in contact with and talked to seems to find me attractive (and doesn't think I look like a boy). I am so confused and don't know which to believe.

  53. yeah i feel u guys. Random chavs on the street once said i was ugly and said "ewwww". sometimes i think i look ok, sometimes i feel really ugly and wish i could die. i try to avoid mirrors as much as poss and reflections. even 1 of my best friends said i was ugly.. and it really hurt 🙁

  54. I always was told I was a cute kid growing up and handsome and all that, and all of a sudden I hit puberty around freshman- sophomore year of high school and everything changed. I shot up in height, I got real lanky, my nose grew, and I wasn't so cute anymore. All the compliments stopped. I never had a girlfriend in high school, and there weren't any who were interested in me except a couple who in my mind "didn't count" because I couldn't understand why they would like me. My younger brother and sister would tease me with my younger cousin and call me big nose, giraffe neck, hunchback, etc. I had poor posture because of my heavy back-pack and probably because I thought walking with my shoulders caved in and head down that I wouldn't stand out as much. Back then though, It never bothered me that much, because I accepted that I wasn't the hot guy that the girls all daydreamed about. I had no freinds, and the ones I thought were my freinds ignored me out of cafeteria context. I was laughed at, ignored, teased, called a fag, everything in the book that arrogant self- absorbed good- looking kids say about the loner. Finally the summer of my freshman year of college I joined a gym, the last place in the world I thought I would ever feel confident in. I was sick of being insecure and not noticed, and I was prepared for the hardwork ahead. It turned out the same kind of guys who talked shit about me in high school and laughed at me started helping me out and treating me like one of them. They gave me advice, spotted me, talked about girls with me, and gave me confidence I never thought I would have. Still, being around them I was still skinny and wanted desperately to look like them. I am a senior in college now, and my looks have changed alot since high school. I went from 135 lbs. to 184 pounds. Thats all muscle I worked for. My face has matured and filled out, my hair looks better and I get more attention now from girls. Girls think I'm "hot", "cute" and handsome. Despite all of it I have a hard time believe it or accepting any of it because I still see flaws and I'm still not happy with my appearence. I would give anyhting to not care as much about my appearence like I did in high school. But it eats away at me everyday. Some days I don't want to leave the house because I hate how I look in certain lighting. The common theme here is even attractive people don't think they are attractive. I'm still the lonely, skinny, awkward guy inside. My sincere advice for anyone who reads this and constantly compares themselves to others and wants confidence is to join a gym. Go for it. It's my fav. place to be in the day and you'll meet some of your best freinds there, guaranteed. Everyday, you will only get better. Be patient, and good things will come to you. Do it the right way, stay comitted, even the days that you feel like your the ugliest guy there, GO. You will be rewarded, even if it takes a year or two. All of a sudden I am treated with respect, and people look up to me. People from high school can't believe its the same me from back then. Hang in there, good things come to good people!

  55. Well, I am handsome, smart, and well built. But, I am still unhappy. So, there ya go.

  56. i don't have any words of encouragement, i just felt the need to write how i feel. i don't think i'm ugly. i AM ugly. yet i still believe that no matter the size or colour of your skin or your wealth etc matters, because we are all human. plus, beauty doesn't only come in size zero point two. i'm a teenager, but i'm not discriminating people who are naturally thin, and i'm not jealous, because i accept who i am, but it doesn't mean i can always be happy.

    i'm not overweight, i do have some stretch marks which is embarrassing, but my mum publicly embarrasses me because i think she hates the fact that i'm ok with me. she constantly tells me i'm ulgy and fat and worthless and stupid any attempt to bring me down, but she always says "i'm just making you aware" ... like i need to be told every time we sit at the dinner table or when i walk to school or when she calls or infront of my friends. the worst, is when she tells me off for eating infront of other people. i'll go to eat at small piece of cake like at christmas, and she'll say loudly, "you REALLY don't need to eat that, put it back, you're embarrassing me you pig."

    for a couple of weeks she put locks on the cupboards and pantry, and when my friends came over they asked me why and i had to tell them they couldn't eat anything either because i couldn't get any food out. and in front of my friends she'll come up to me and sort of slap my tummy and make rolling fat noises, i don't know ... she thinks i'm in denial, but she's the one in denial.

    plus she always tells me how she wishes i could look like some of my pretty friends. this hurts. "why can't you look like her, why aren't you pretty? don'y you want to be attractive?? put makeup on, put your better face on." is what she always says. so i did. i tried to cover up all of my acne, but honestly, it just makes it worse because they look all crusty and i don't just gross.

    i was home schooled because i was severly bullied, not just because of the way i looked, i was a target because i coldn't stand up for myself. as i said, i'm a girl, and even guys used to beat me up, because i was an easy target. girls always excluded me, the usual teasing, knocking books and tripping up and destroying my property, i never did anything to deserve it, i was just different to them. it wasn't until i made new friends that it all changed. i feel beautiful when ii'm with them, and i ditched the makeup, because i know they like me natural: plastic, botox and makeup free. (not that i used botox or surgery though but anyways.) and my skin cleared up since i ditched the make up, not dramatically, because it's inherited, i have terrible skin and i do the best i can, having pimples can make your face feel unlean and i wish it was smooth but i have scars but i can learn to live with them.

    if god had wanted me otherwise, he would have created me otherwise. the only words of encouragement i have for the rest of you ... YOU WERE BORN AN ORIGINAL. DON'T DIE A COPY.

  57. [quote comment="39316"]i don't have any words of encouragement, i just felt the need to write how i feel. i don't think i'm ugly. i AM ugly. yet i still believe that no matter the size or colour of your skin or your wealth etc matters, because we are all human. plus, beauty doesn't only come in size zero point two. i'm a teenager, but i'm not discriminating people who are naturally thin, and i'm not jealous, because i accept who i am, but it doesn't mean i can always be happy.

    i'm not overweight, i do have some stretch marks which is embarrassing, but my mum publicly embarrasses me because i think she hates the fact that i'm ok with me. she constantly tells me i'm ulgy and fat and worthless and stupid any attempt to bring me down, but she always says "i'm just making you aware" ... like i need to be told every time we sit at the dinner table or when i walk to school or when she calls or infront of my friends. the worst, is when she tells me off for eating infront of other people. i'll go to eat at small piece of cake like at christmas, and she'll say loudly, "you REALLY don't need to eat that, put it back, you're embarrassing me you pig."

    for a couple of weeks she put locks on the cupboards and pantry, and when my friends came over they asked me why and i had to tell them they couldn't eat anything either because i couldn't get any food out. and in front of my friends she'll come up to me and sort of slap my tummy and make rolling fat noises, i don't know ... she thinks i'm in denial, but she's the one in denial.

    plus she always tells me how she wishes i could look like some of my pretty friends. this hurts. "why can't you look like her, why aren't you pretty? don'y you want to be attractive?? put makeup on, put your better face on." is what she always says. so i did. i tried to cover up all of my acne, but honestly, it just makes it worse because they look all crusty and i don't just gross.

    i was home schooled because i was severly bullied, not just because of the way i looked, i was a target because i coldn't stand up for myself. as i said, i'm a girl, and even guys used to beat me up, because i was an easy target. girls always excluded me, the usual teasing, knocking books and tripping up and destroying my property, i never did anything to deserve it, i was just different to them. it wasn't until i made new friends that it all changed. i feel beautiful when ii'm with them, and i ditched the makeup, because i know they like me natural: plastic, botox and makeup free. (not that i used botox or surgery though but anyways.) and my skin cleared up since i ditched the make up, not dramatically, because it's inherited, i have terrible skin and i do the best i can, having pimples can make your face feel unlean and i wish it was smooth but i have scars but i can learn to live with them.

    if god had wanted me otherwise, he would have created me otherwise. the only words of encouragement i have for the rest of you ... YOU WERE BORN AN ORIGINAL. DON'T DIE A COPY.[/quote]
    I just wanted to say that your a very strong person. What you wrote made my eyes water. Your mother is harsh, and very judgemental. I wouldn't think the way you do if I was judged that way everyday especially by my own mother. Im glad you except yourself and don't let that get in the way of your life. Well I just hope everyone around you would except your beauty the same. I also love the quote "YOU WERE BORN AN ORIGINAL DON'T DIE A COPY". Well I hope the best for you and your mother's relationship and hopefully she learns that theirs more to a person than just their image.

  58. I'm 15. I've been questioning if I am ugly or good-looking for a long time. I simply don't know. I was cute when I was young, but I don't know anymore. I don't think I look good in the mirror.
    People would always make fun of the way I look. They would say I have a long nose.
    But my mother says I am good looking and so does my whole family. Some people say I am outright ugly. Then there are others who come up to me and are attracted to me. I am so confused. I don't think I am good looking at all. Sometimes I question myself when others say they are attracted to me and I often back off because I don't believe they know what they are doing.
    The point is, I will always be ugly because that is the way I feel. No matter how many people tell me how good looking I am, there were always those few that told me I was ugly.

  59. Hi guys, I would like to tell you my story. I am sorry if my english is not wholly correct. Until recently I have always thought of myself as a pretty girl. As a result I used to interpret comments of other people positively. If they told me that I was beautiful, it always made me happy because it secured the image I had of myself.

    Some time ago, things started to change. I had a bad relationship once and ever since then I am more insecure about my appearences. I am much more aware of all the images in the media than I used to be. And when people tell me now I look good, I don't really believe them. Depending on the person, I think 'you're only saying that because you don''t think I am REALLY beautiful (only a bit mayby), or I don't trust the person at all, thinking 'you call me beautiful because you have never seen real beauty'
    I even developed some signs of BDD. I always was a bit perfectionistic and obsessive (OCD) but never did I really worry about my physical appearances. Now I only worry about my appearances, and I dont care - for example- about my study and further career. As a result, I am not so ambitious as I used to be.

    Although I do not feel so good about myself because I feel less pretty, I do realize that I made progress in the sense that I am less vain. I don't think of myself as a 'better catch' because of my appearances anymore. I think the harsh truth is that when you consider yourself to be pretty on the outside, you are aware of other people being less pretty. Psychological research shows that people who think of themselves as beautiful, rate the beauty of other people lower. They judge themselves to positively.

    I hope that I will become less obsessed with appearances than I am now. It is turning my world upside down in a very negative way. Mayby this is like a change for me to learn to judge people, and firstly myself, on base of their character. This is very hard, but worth all the effort in the end. I really want to be I truly grown-up person, a beautiful person in the real sense.

    And anonymous girl, I really agree with the things you wrote. You are a wise lady, we need more of you around.....

    Anonymous girl wrote:
    >>>That's why many regular women feel ugly and their men don't help them feel better either! cuz every loser wants to date a supermodel although he can't afford's sad but what you have to do is to feel good about yourself and don't let anyone bring you down and don't beleive everything what they tell you or show you, have your own opinion of yourself and don't be a zombie like most people hypnotized by the beauty industry...

    Well that was for me. greetz, katja

  60. Like the song says... "Kill yourself, or get over it!"

  61. Hi envy,

    You probably think you are very clever, while in fact you are only lazy, not helping anybody here.

    I can tell you i am feeling very good right now, i managed to get my selfrespect a bit back, but it was only by confronting myself with the problems i had. One of that problems was feeling ugly, a typical sign of someone who is feeling very low, which i have been for months.

    The thing i want to say to you is; dont judge so easily, just try to be serious and give people a friendly answer. otherwise, write nothing at all.

  62. Hi there!!!

    I am mailing you because there was so much of what you said that I identififed with. (being made to feel unattractive)

    This isnt something that I would normally do but I guess it just struck a chord for me to realise why over the years I have in a way numbed myself from liking anyone due to my fear of rejection.

    I was bullied and still am being bullied because of my looks. I am now 27 and half of my life has been weighed down by the negative experiences I have had as a result of people judging me on my looks. The thing that hurts the most is that I am a trully nice person and growing up I could have never have imagined that my face would influence people to judge and treat me negatively.

    I sometimes wonder if people believe that the less attractive you are the less feelings you have.

    So much of my life has been affected by the way I have been made to feel about myself over the years but still I keep moving and hoping for a brighter future as my pain has to be for a greater cause. I do believe that things happen for a reason and your experiences in life are lessons to learn from.

    God Bless and keep smiling


  63. [...] JC Penney's to get some pictures taken. I hate getting my picture taken. After all, I tend to feel kinda ugly when I'm next to Carey, through no fault of her own save her own attractiveness. She does all she [...]

  64. [quote comment="2069"]i feel the same way! everyone tells me im beautiful or gourgous when i meet them. but personaly i dont think so. i often feel very down about myself. i dont even like it when i goto a tanning salon or any type of beauty salons..i feel ugly and there mirrors dont help.i sometimes get freckles on my face i absouluty hate them they come back i sometimes just want to kil myself literally ..itslike theres always someone better[/quote]

    HELLO! there is always someone better fuckin get over it it aint the end of the world. as long as the media bombardes us with images of retouched hyper-relalistic images were always gonna feel inadquate so just move on and get over it. being the prettiest means jack shit-one day toull just be some shrivelled up corspse!!!

  65. [quote comment="2081"]I was builled at school becasue i was werid looking and ugly i know im ugly as people tell me all the time and give me your ugly looks.

    I am alone an have no friends im not married i am not good enough for people.

    I wish i had a friend mind you.

    So if people tell me im ugly then fine im ugly. i will agree with them.

    thank you for your time.[/quote]

    WAKE UP DUDE...dont you realise this is nothing to get upset about?! dont let peoples cruelty and rejections get to you, you are impowering others to make you feel that you arent good enough! being ugly is so unimportant-would you really want to be pretty and that be the only reason ppl like you...if ur truely ugly and you findd someone who adores you just for your personality thats a precious thing

  66. i have the same story as many of you. I think im ugly, some people say i am some people say im not. The thing i hate most about myself is my nose so i am going to get a nose job. Why let this pain carry on for any longer, i you dont like it then you should change it. I want to feel happy and let that show to other people but my nose is holding me back. I dont think faking confidence is going to do any 1 any good because when you are alone you are just going to feel bad again.

  67. I'm so glad I came to this page.

    The thing I noticed about being a teenager (I've been one for quite a while now, so I can speak authoritatively on the subject) is that a lot of times you can't imagine anyone else going through what you are going through. For the past three years I've been trying to find a way to accept that I'm not good looking. Coming to this page has helped me tremendously in that I now know that I'm not the only one facing such a situation.

    My story starts with me a freshman in high school. I never wondered if I was ugly or not, because my belief that god would never screw me over so bad as to make me ugly was securely in place back then. As my high school years progressed, I started to notice that my friends (most of whom are average looking) started getting female attention, while I got . At first I wrote it off as just a fluke, nothing to worry myself about. Fast forward some time, and I got heavily involved with a girl who loved my personality, my sense of humor, my intelligence. She loved me she said- but like a brother, because she would rate me a 5 on a scale of 1-10 in terms of looks.

    It was devastating. I couldn't believe that I couldn't be with the girl of my dreams, JUST because I didn't look good. Something that I had no control over! I didn't look in a mirror for the longest time. I was angry at God for making me ugly (still am, although now I realize the irrationality of it, but I can't help it). Eventually I got over the girl, what I didn't get over is wondering how to accept that I was ugly.

    Every time I got close to acceptance, in the back of my mind something refuses to lose the fight and go quietly. So a part of me hangs on rationalizing to myself that maybe I'm not really ugly...maybe I'm okay looking. But then something happens and I feel f*cked up again. It's like a roller coaster that someone just shoved me on to. It's so frustrating.

    It might sound like I'm fixated on looking good. I'm not. I just want to know that I look good enough so that it doesn't deter anyone who's interested in my personality from being with me.

    I wish everyone good luck and hope you all wish me the same.

  68. Its probably late to make a comment but fuck it..

    I have really bad acne, and i can't even bear looking in the mirror because i'm so goddamn ugly. I caught a glimpse once and my heart sank and i was depressed all day.

    I many sound irrational but i now realise i'm not the only one insecure about looks. However looking at it another way you're probably more likely to meet the right person because they like you for who you are not the shallow gits who go for the peroxide, tanned blonde. I also think its worse for girls if they have acne, overweight etc. than boys.

    This is all probably irrelevant but just to let you know there are girls out there who are just desperate to meet someone with a GODDAMN SENSE OF HUMOUR. iI'm not sure what guys go for?

    Who cares anyway, we all get old and i seriously don't think that unshallow people give a fuck.

  69. Hi all,

    Personally, I've experienced the whole spectrum of emotions mooted in the previous posts.I'm 30 now, can't say I enjoyed my twenties too much but realise that was more my doing than any outside factors. As a teenager I became quite reclusive and sneaky because of a cystic acne problem. All the while I captained a football team and played a number of sports but in the background I became introverted and self critical to an amazing extent. I done quite well in college, had an amazingly beautiful and sincere girlfriend but could never appreciate any of it. My acne left me with some mild scaring that became my obsession. I dumped my girlfriend because of my own insecurities....started seeing another girl.... dumped her. Now I'm quite alone.. alone with my reflection and I hate it. I always have. In the past girls have been quite complementary about my looks but I never believe compliments. Ever.I love and hate mirrors now. Avoid camera's at all cost.

    I can't get through feelings of inferiority. It drives me crazy. I constantly compare... feel I'm being judged....feel helpless. I have good days when I think I've finally beaten this and then it bites back.. constantly knawing. I feel vain and mean but always but always useless. My self confidence has disappeared with age.

    Its all very well telling people beauty is on the inside but thats not true for someone who feels like this. Rarely does an attractive person bother long enough with the average looking person to appreciate the beauty. Natural selection has seen to that.

  70. Wow, the girls posting aren't even ugly. The descriptions don't seem ugly. Most of them are thin and have clear skin. I truly am ugly. I have had acne since I was 13, and although at this point I'm 20 and the acne isn't as bad i have scars. I'm also fat. And no matter what anyone says, fat is ugly. I would also love it if people stopped using Jennifer Lopez as an example of a woman who isn't thin but is pretty. I'm sorry, but she is thin. Flat stomach = thin. So her ass is huge... and?

    Every guy I have been with always ends up pointing out that I'm ugly. I even had a guy tell me that I look like porky the pig and that I should invest in Clearasil. I cried as I read his e-mail and from that point on I haven't been able to really believe anyone who says I'm anything but ugly. My current boyfriend also makes comments about my skin. He says it doesn't bother him. But just the fact that he has to talk about it lets me know that he finds it disgusting. Guys always make comments about how ugly I am. I haven't met a single man who acually thinks I'm beautiful.

    I cry every day about my looks. I put makeup on to hide some of my ugly face. My looks are ruining my relationship because I feel that my boyfriend wants a thin gorgeous girl. And I know he does, because all his ex girlfriends are both thin and gorgeous.

    To top it all off, I have the worst personality. People hate me. And it's because I'm not beautiful. So they don't get to know me and I end up resenting them.

    I think that the best thing would just be to die. That way I wouldn't have to see my hideous face ever again.

  71. Lol, whenever you start to feel ugly, go look at a magazine like star or people or whatever.

    Then go to this site

    I myself don't think im ugly because I've been offered a few male modeling jobs, but there are times when i look in the mirror and think, "Damn, I'm ugly shit!!" But, then I just go back to my high school and that fear just pretty much dissapears. I wouldn't same I'm extremely popular, but I'm not attending chess club meetings either lol. So, yah.

  72. Hey, I read your comment stating how you feel badly about yourself - feelings of worthlessness, ugliness and of being inadequate in relation to other people. It kind of touched me in a way & I felt you deserved a response 😯

    For starters, my first impression when reading your response was that you seem to be very intelligent. I cannot see how "normal" jobs would be a problem for you because you can express yourself well and have a good command of idiom. But then again, I do not know the depth of your learning disaibility.

    I can relate to you the way you feel ugly and things, because I feel that way - even if all the people in my entire little world say that I am not, that I am attractive. It is so hard to overcome these feelings of worthlessness. Anyway, I hope you find your way through. Matt x

  73. Sorry, the last comment's directed towards Mindy. Anways...

    I am an 18 year-old business studies student and I am extremely self-concious. Naturally, I was born as a very kind-hearted and warming person despite of great trauma that occurred during the early stages of my life. But I am giving up my faith/hope in other people and I actively avoid them where possible because I am AFRAID (as in I sh!t a brick when someone looks at me) of the opinions other people implicit about me. I am afraid to leave my room at times.

    I am insecure about everything - my willy, my intelligence, my memory, my appearance, my ability, my sensitive skin, how I compare to everyone else. At university I sit s.h.a.k.i.n.g in a lecture theatre comprising 200 other students. My heart races in the seminars and I can't talk. I haven't befriended anyone because I am afraid to - they probably won't want to know me anyway since I am ugly and all that banter.

    I too, get those looks from fecking staring ars@holes (sorry) who sit and frown at me as if I have two heads. What do you want me to do, run and jump off the side of the earth just because you think I look ugly? I would consider ending my life because I am tired of walking through this never-ending nightmare but I know I am far too determined to get to where I want to be and you only get one life.

    On a serious note though, I get really depressed at times and the anxiety wears me down so much. I find no colour in the world and my future just appears to be an empty void. I'll never find a person - I will be the last product on the shelf. And that really really hurts me. Losing mummy when I was 4 left me feeling unloved and I still crave the warm maternalistic feelings of affection that weren't emitted.

    On the bright side, I have had 3 long-term girlfriends, all three being very pretty. Ha Ha, is it a coincidence that all three consider other factors such as personality, honesty and openness to be more important than looks? My current girlfriend is stunning - she lights up my world when the sun goes down *CHEESE* but people are hurtfully critical about it - "she is with...HIM?!" and "she's so pretty and he's so..." This just adds to the feeling that I will never get to accept myself.

    I would just like to take the opportunity to thank everyone for their posts because I found them extremely helpful. Seriously, I realise that looks aren't the be all and end all. And even though I have been quite discrete in voicing my opinion it has really helped me to get some things out in the open. I think that everyone here deserves to fall in love.

    Lastly, one person mentioned counselling. I would recommend investigating futher as I found it to be very useful. I went through two years of therapy. It works in the same way as you would defragment a computer. You work through past experiences and put them into their correct places. I feel a lot better nowadays. Please reply, all the best everyone, Matt x

  74. Helloha,

    I just want to express my anguish on this subject. Why is the process of finding a significant other so fucking difficult?! I mean, for everybody. It takes so much effort because we are all looking for a 'Perfect' partner - and it just doesn't happen.

    And why are people so damn mean to each other? Just because a person doesn't look like God's gift doesn't mean that they are any less of a person or that they do not possess any feelings. What gives with this?

    Sometimes I wonder if I would rather give up on girls entirely. It is far too much hassle and in the long run, I would rather love myself than end up in a mediocre relationship I don't fully appreciate because I am afraid of being alone.

  75. I also feel myself ugly, though there's also voices around saying I'm not. Sometimes it's all about looking for in the right place, even in another country.

    Peace to all!