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Upset With Myself

I had a conversation with a friend today. A conversation I'm sick of having. A conversation about how I constantly seem "upset." Truth is, I am. The rest of the truth: I'm only upset with myself.

I've got very high standards for people, and even higher standards for myself. Yes, this means I'm constantly let down - by myself and others - but it also means I constantly expect more from myself. I'm constantly pushing myself to do better.

Sometimes, especially around those for whom I care a great deal, I push myself even harder. When I fail - quite often with my standards - I get upset with myself. The downside is that this can be perceived by the friend as being upset with them, and then I get upset with myself for making them think I was upset with them. It's a vicious circle.

I need to trust my friends to tell me when I've upset them, and do a better job of keeping my "Erik, you fucked up"s to myself a little better. I won't lower my standards - I can't - but I can change how I react when I fail to meet them.

3 Responses to "Upset With Myself"

  1. Sounds like you're a perfectionist, no?

  2. Yep.

  3. yea i hear ya, thats why i started my blog. i think my values and standards of people are way too high because i am always being let down by myself and others. i know i am a good person so its not self-esteem but...... i just wished everyone cared the way i do about things sometimes. i get worried because i sometimes think that maybe i care TO MUCH. ya know?