QotD: Friends with Benefits
Posted May 19th, 2003 @ 08:23pm by Erik J. Barzeski
Question: Have you ever had a "friend with benefits?" If so, how'd it end (if it has)?
My Answer: Aside from Naked Weekend Crystal, no. She and I had a great time, but not of the kind "benefits" usually entail. Though I enjoy sex on a physical level, it's not really worth all the effort if the emotional side is not present as well. I have no problem with others who can have a FuckBuddy™, but it's just not my bag.
You are encouraged to answer the Question of the Day for yourself in the comments or on your blog.
Donate Life
Posted 19 May 2003 at 10:25pm #
There was this one girl I knew in college that I used to hang out with, have great conversation, drink together, and have great sex. She would call me up sometimes and say, "Come on over." When I showed up with a six pack of Sam Adams or Heineken, we would just start making out and get naked before we even got to the bedroom. It was interesting, because we never really talked about having sex. It was just something we did every once in a while. The arrangement ended when she started dating a freind of mine, and that was that. We remained friends until she moved to Boston.
Posted 20 May 2003 at 5:06am #
Why limit yourself to just one! 🙂
When I was younger I couldn't get girls no matter how I tried. I don't know if it was my physical looks or just my level of confidence.
Now I don't seem to have any problem meeting women and getting them into bed. The trick is to never bring in the emotional aspect unless you really like them.
My biggest problem now is that I can't find the right combination of beauty, brains, and that necessary spark that makes Ms Right...
Kevin
Posted 20 May 2003 at 4:51pm #
Sometimes I think that's all I have now, under the guise of a relationship!
Posted 24 Aug 2003 at 12:00am #
I have a friend with benefits, but it hasn't been that way very long. I think it can work as long as both people just want sex and not an actual relationship. It's great...you can have sex without any kind of committment.
Posted 24 Aug 2003 at 12:00am #
I have a friend with benefits, but it hasn't been that way very long. I think it can work as long as both people just want sex and not an actual relationship. It's great...you can have sex without any kind of committment.
Posted 08 Oct 2003 at 9:06pm #
I have had alot of friends with benefits. I like the convenience of I get what I want, they get what they want...and no fighting and arguing like in a relationship, cuz i can just say "leave"! call me when you agree with me! LOL And call someone else next time!
But I've run into a problem. I have a new "friend". I really do like this one alot!! And I think about him alot in ways besides just in the door and out again sex! But he doesn't want any more than that. I'll still give him what he wants, because I don't want to lose him...but goddamn this is so fucken hard!!!
Posted 21 Oct 2003 at 4:09am #
amber you said exactly what i was going to... this situation is the reason i found this site, and i have no idea what to do. if things continue and we still fuck, im afraid i wont be able to keep my emotions seperate for long, but on the other hand, i can have twice the sex... i dont know what to do.
Posted 25 Oct 2003 at 1:26pm #
dalton....i'm still trying to figure out what to do! ya know...women that fuck with mens emotions and make them afraid to be in relationships suck!!! But i sure as hell aint gonna give up the sex! (soon he'll see it my way;)hahahaaa but if not...i've got reserves!! LOL
Posted 02 Nov 2003 at 3:30am #
I have met my soul mate, he just wants to be friends with benefits totally ruleing everything out, cause I am not exactly what he wants looks wise and I am 8 years older, it sucks totally we enjoy every moment together, I have been staying with him for 3 weeks now, I don't know what the problem is I think I am cursed....what is a woman to do.......I think I will leave soon and just try to get over him, but he has told me that I am his best friend and now I am wondering if I should stay or go.......aghhhh
Posted 03 Nov 2003 at 8:53pm #
im in the same thing,,,my boy and me,,have i guess a friends w/ benefits,,and at first it was cool,,but now, i do kinda like him,,but he goes to school, far away like an hour or two.....i dont know what to do anymore, sometimes i cant help it, and we end up together once more, but,...i always say,,...okay im going to end it but i dont,,..i dunno what to do...
Posted 06 Nov 2003 at 3:20pm #
I have a friend with benefits, but at first I was just the best friend that his girlfriend hated. They broke up and after some time, we began to have sex or mess around every time we got a chance to stay with one another. At first, it was just for the sex but now I really care about him. He's very secretive about his emotions and I don't know how I should handle it because I would HATE to lose him as my best friend.
Posted 08 Nov 2003 at 4:40pm #
i have a problem, i've been having sex with one of my bestfriends. I think i got a little 2 involved with my emotions. I told him that I liked him and he has stopped having sex with me. I ask him what the deal is and his excuse is that he doesn't have time. I'm 5 years older than him and he was a virgin,till me,lol.What i think happended is that he started screwing around with his x-girlfriends best friend and i think he got a little 2 involved with her. Hell screw it.
Posted 09 Nov 2003 at 1:46pm #
A couple months ago i was sexually involved with a guy a couple years older than me. I lost my virginity to him and then we stopped talking. I found out he was messing around with another girl soon after we stopped talking. Now he wants back and i dont know hat to do because i dotn want to be just friends with benefits.
Posted 30 Nov 2003 at 11:09am #
I have a friend w/ benefits..but it first started w/ one..he took my virginity and everything, but then i didn't want to be it any more because i wanted to be in a relationship, but then this one dude that i really like, i'm inlove w/ now..hes now my partner for friends w/ benefits and i want to tell him i want to turn it into more serious things like being together because i love him so much..i dont know how to tell him but I'm going to somehow, someday, soon.
Posted 02 Dec 2003 at 2:37am #
I have a friend w/ benefits too.. we started as friends for a few months and then recently we've been fooling around and then we had sex (he took my virginity). I said i wanted more and he said it feels weird and he just wants to be friends, but we always end up hooking up. It really pisses me off! I should just ditch him but now i'm really attached to him.. why doesn't he want a relationship?
Posted 05 Dec 2003 at 2:16am #
I googled "friends with benefits"...but didn't expect to find so many people with the exact same situation in one place. I have a friends with benefits, although he "calls" it dating, but it doesn't seem like anything more than the occasional romp. I had just gotten out of a serious relationship and didn't think I wanted anything serious. but I fell hard for this guy, and now I'm stuck. He doesn't want anything more. Why do guys have to be so afraid of commitment!
Posted 05 Dec 2003 at 4:47pm #
I have a friend with benefits also, I have absolutely no emotion involved to him. But I recently started talking to this guy that I work with, the first time we hooked up, we had sex. I really have fallen for him already and I havent felt this way in a long time. But he just keeps saying that we have to take time to build a relationship. What? We already fucked! I am wondering if we can ever have anything else besides sex, but I really think that when you have sex and dont take the time to get to know each other, that it messes everything up.
Posted 10 Dec 2003 at 9:13pm #
I've got a friend with benefits, I mean the only reason I'm doing shit with him is because i love him so much, Hes a bit older then me, and i can't be with him for a while...so I decided why not act like it?..hes so cool and i love him to death..but i mean i'd take the consequences of being with him, if only he would be with me..i dont understand..ugh o well
Posted 12 Dec 2003 at 7:20am #
I have recently divorced, and am now in a "friends w/ benefits" relationship with a co-worker of mine--it started off simple enough with us cracking jokes at one another and a little flirting here and there--I never thought anything of it--after all I was married and she had a relationship with her b/f---but now I'm divorced and she still has this relationship--she's 5 years older than me and is gorgeous---she talks about not wanting committment and all that---which is cool---but I know that after awhile emothios will be brought into the equation-I'm confused as to how to deal with this--I mean I like her and casual sex has never been a problem in the past---but I think that eventually it will develop into more and we will end up bitter with one another---what should I do break it off? Or keep going and try to monitor my emotions?
Posted 17 Dec 2003 at 2:09am #
...I am currently dating this guy,,, it seems like a friends w/ benifits thing,...but he says we're "dating"..so ,..anyways,,yea, this sucks,..i think it would have worked better, if we took everything a lot slower & took the time to get 2know eachother,..i also fell hard for the boy, and im stuck in that situation right now,..sometimes i want 2 get out of it,,..but we have so much fun,,..that,..its hard 2 say bye,..i dont know whats gonna happen or how much longer it will go on 4..(4the guy,..that got divorced,.& is w/ his coworker,the girl older than him,i think u guys should stop messing around,.& if she wants something more w/ you, she should leave her b/f, ask her what she wants out of it,.or else it will just end up more painful in the end& it will be harder to say goodbye..well good luck people..
Posted 29 Dec 2003 at 12:25am #
I have a friend w benefits. I told him I didn't want a serious relationship because I had been hurt so bad in the past, he said that is cool we have been talking for 2yrs and he asked me could we have an open relationship, I tried to play like I was tuff and said do whatever you want I don't care. I am so deep in with him that it hurts my heart to even think about it. I always say that I am going to let him go but It is so hard. I even heard him on the phone making dinner plans w/another woman and it broke my heart, but this is what I say I wanted..please don't say u want a friend/ benefits it u really don't...I am so heartbroken...I don't know how to tell him I love him...
Posted 29 Dec 2003 at 2:08am #
the thing i have learned is, not 2 be in a friends w/ benifits,..someone always gets hurt,..maybe it might work out perfect for that one in a million couple,..but,,,your more likely to get hurt,..If u dont get hurt the other person will, and you're always confused, and u dont know why exactly that person is with you,or if they might ever reallly like you,..i'm just not going to do this anymore,..it does hurt, & i hope,..that people see all the damage it causes, and learn to stay away from these kinds of relationships in the future,..i will,..i have to, because if i dont i will be miserable 4 the rest of my life!
Posted 03 Jan 2004 at 6:20pm #
I told this guy I loved him and when I was drunk we had sex. It was my first time and I thought he liked me. Now he says he just wants to be friends with benefits and I don't know what to say. I like him more than that, but now that I have started having sex, i can't damn well stop! its just too fun and too good. i dont want to be a slut and find lots of partners, so thats what we are going to do, FWB... besides, its illegal what we do b/cuz of the age difference, i dont want that to get out
Posted 06 Jan 2004 at 10:33pm #
hmmm
Posted 18 Jan 2004 at 1:02am #
I really want this girl. She's beautiful and nice and smart, and we really hit it off...
but I've heard her say "we're still just friends right" shit like that.
I'm not sure how to approach her both accepting of a FWB relationship, and something more if it turns up... becuase I'm still young, sometimes the former is a better solution, but who knows... I'm really looking forward to making this girl scream in relief, what I could do with her... is so tempting....
How should I approach her?
Posted 21 Jan 2004 at 1:42am #
Spen my advice is to pretend you're not interested in her like that,..that always makes girls look at u in a different way,..if she's interested she'll try to get your attention but if she's not,..don't play her game,..and get caught up in this FWB, its cool at first, but then,..it sux...My parents,jus' found out i was having sex w/ my guy, & they're pretty pissed,..even though im of age,..(we got caught,..ahem..there was evidence..layin' around)So,..i cant really see my guy right now,..but ill jus end up sneaking out or sneaking him in..
--the advice i have for KT,...is..girl, i know sex is GrEat,..i like it too,..& its like u cant stop after you've started,..but FWB,..sux!,..you dont wanna be hurt in the end,..tell him you want a relationship,because, what if,..he's out having sex, w/ someother girl,..then gives u herpes,..or an STD,..or sumthin' like that,..its better when you are in a relationship because then you know that he'll only be with you,..and that when you guys are doing it,hes doing it because he loves you,..and not just because,..he wants to get w/ you..
Posted 25 Feb 2004 at 8:06pm #
I have a friend with benefits right now and I hate it. I have known this guy for a year and a half and we have been off and on for the whole time. The only problem is that I am starting to fall for him and I dont know how to tell him that I want more without me getting hurt. But for now the sex is great if you are going to do the friends with benefits thing do it with someone you have no chance of falling for. 🙂
Posted 25 Feb 2004 at 8:06pm #
I have a friend with benefits right now and I hate it. I have known this guy for a year and a half and we have been off and on for the whole time. The only problem is that I am starting to fall for him and I dont know how to tell him that I want more without me getting hurt. But for now the sex is great if you are going to do the friends with benefits thing do it with someone you have no chance of falling for. 🙂
Posted 26 Feb 2004 at 10:12pm #
I totally agree w/ everyone who is saying they want to have more w/ their friends w/ benefits...I have been seeing a guy for a while now...nothing really defined...but then out of the blue when I told him that I really liked him and felt soo secure with him...he's like I like you too but I'm just looking to have fun....so he wants to be friends w/ benefits but i've already fallen for him....so if i want any chance i have to live with this arangement till I can convince him that commitment isn't a bad thing....
Posted 02 Mar 2004 at 11:47pm #
Friends with benefits is more complicated than anyone could ever know until they are actually in the situation for themselves. We all go into friends with benefits for varying reasons, even if it just is for fun. But the truth is, we CONTINUE it with the same sort of alterior motive: to see where things can go or will go or to see just how far it can take you. I'm in a friends with benefits situation right now, it has been a continuting drama for the past two months. I know it's a mistake because it's confusing and stressful and it hurts. And something that is right should not hurt as much as this does. But, somehow, this relationship is filling some sort of hole in my life. And until I realize that I can do better-or ACTUALLY do better, will I be able to end this once and for all. I wish anyone who is in this situation the best of luck, it's hard and painful, I know. And I advise all of you who are contemplating this: don't! Your friends are one of the best things in your life, don't compromise them for sex or anything else that just isn't worth it...
Posted 05 Mar 2004 at 1:28pm #
I have a friend with benefits-we started became fast friends at my first job. We went out got drunk had sex by the river, a great time. I fell in love with him-and have been friends "forever" it seems like. We like to party and get naked and go at it. Of course, this is when his current "lover" isn't around. But I am a Virgo, he is a Taurus-I am instantly attracted,charmed if you will, by Taurus'. He has a beautiful body, gorgeous eye's, and a sense of humor to boot. Our passion is sultry, erotic yet, unchained. I know he loves me very much, and he is more into me that I him, but that is the Virgo in me. Our connectivity to each other is held together by the fact I can pleasure him sensually, unlike his lover. I think we as people with friends with benefits are made up of two parts-one side is detached, the other side is co-dependent. One likes to control and one likes go do as they please. You can't expect a relationship out of FWB, ever. Unless, it changes because you both want it to change.
But I like the friends W/Bennies because, but I yearn in the end, regardless, for a steady relationship.
Posted 13 Mar 2004 at 4:04am #
-I decided to get back at the guy i was with,, because i thought he was with some other girl..or so i heared..even,though we had made an agreement to only "be" w/eachother..so i told him something that wasn't true, but i knew it would hurt him,..now,he thinks im crazy, i kind of dont blame him,but..i am sorry now, because in the end I hurt him,..& i found out the truth,he was being faithful,..i dont know what 2do anymore,i have apologized,&he has accepted it, & we are still talking,but i dunno if it will ever be like we, used 2 be,..our relationship was kind of a FWB,..we were only supposed 2 see eachother,..&the only problem was the distance,(2hrs.) anyway, i dont know whats going 2happen now,..& i do feel really bad,,.horrible,..all of that because i did make him suffer,..in the end..but now, i want him back, & i still dont kn0w what his reply will be..i guess im just waiting 4 the day,that i see him again,..hopefully soon -
Posted 23 Mar 2004 at 11:59am #
i had no idea so many people were in the same situation as me...i was kinda with this guy..whos almost 3 years older then me im 14...he doesnt want a girlfriend but we like each other and spend time together and whatever...idk at frist i really liked him alot and i thought maybe ehe'd change his mind and want a girlfriend..i thought if not its fine..it'll just be some action...its not like that at all tho if we even do anything we just make out and it really pisses me off..bcuz i want more than that..theres this other kid tho..ive known him practically forever..hes in my grade, and a family friend, lately we've been becoming pretty good friends. last weekend our parents went out to dinner and i went over to his house..we ended up hooking up, i gave him head, and i lost my virginity to him..hes never had sex b4 either..we want to do it again..and like continue doing it..i want to bcuz it was fun. but idk about the other kid..he seems like he's loosing intrest and its fading..i still like him alot its jsut it doesnt seem like he really cares about me and i get more from the second..idk what to do..
Posted 23 Mar 2004 at 7:55pm #
melissa, i have a lil sister whos ur age,,whos also named melissa,..but NEwayS,,.personally i think ur a lil young 2 be havin sex so soon,,,but i know its annoying when ppL preach,..but anyways,,,seriously what if u did get pregnant,, ur too young to be having babys,and mess up ur life..& if ur gonna get an abortion,,ur still underage so ur parents would find out,which sux-anywayz,,know this,,guys are players,,it seems like the older one isn't that interested,but that other guy(fam.friend) is,..so,,if u have 2 be w/ one,,be with the fam.friend,,..i know its hard,,but ive seen a lot of my friends get pregnant, it sux,,or even when they have 2 stress out about it..if ur gonna keep on doing stuff,,& u dont wanna listen 2 word i hafta say,,then at least,,make the boy pleasure u,,not u pleasuring him,..jus' keep that in mind..well good luck,,w/EVErything..drop the older boy,..he probably wont end up doin anythin w/ u anyways cuz.he could get in lots of trouble,,so,..jus let him go..stick w/ the 2nd boy.. k..
Posted 02 Apr 2004 at 2:21am #
easy as this.. FRiends W/ benefits... NO! relationship... yes.
Posted 16 Jun 2004 at 11:22am #
Friends with benefits is more complicated than I could have ever imagined. Considering that I am doing this with a really close friend that I have known for a very long time it is complicated. We have our reasons for doing this , but at the same time our friendship has changed alot in just a couple of weeks. I have always looked at him as a brother figure, and sadly my brother, my best friend is gone. We don't hang out the way we use to for fear of an emotional imbalance. Prior to this agreement we never hugged or kissed and now it just feel so weird. I know that he does not want to hurt me but, some how I feel that I will get hurt, because I already love in a different way. He knows alot of my secrets and I know majority of his. For anyone who wants to do this with a really good friend/ best friend. Don't!!! A stranger turned friend will be alot better, because you will not have any history to lose. I already know the outcome of this relationship, and it scares me ,because I know that I am going to lose him as a friend as soon a I fall in love with him.
Posted 14 Oct 2004 at 2:10am #
Hi, I was dumped by my boyfriend of a year and a half. It's been a little less than a month, and I've come to handle us as friends. He broke up with me for lame, emotional-midget type reasons, so it's not like he cheated on me or anything. I've had fuck-buddies before, and I never had huge feelings for them. I agreed to have a fuck-buddy relationship with my ex because I miss the sex with him, his penis is quite large. I'm currently dating other guys and am in a sexual relationship with one of them. I'm just scared that feelings for my ex will pop up after a few times. Is it really horrible to have buddy-sex with the ex?
Posted 30 Oct 2004 at 3:56am #
What about the ex's friend? I have had a f@ckbuddy for three years and four months. I've known him for longer than that cuz we went to high school together, but not really known him well. I still don't know him well for that matter. He gives me what I need most of the time, and for a long while it was all about the sex. I wanted to keep my number down and being with him was grreat and kept me from going to anyone else. For the past year I guess I've slowly started having actual feelings for him. I can now call him a friend, a friend that I care about. And there's no one I want inside of me more than him right now. F@ckbuddies are hard, i know. Confusing, a rollercoaster ride.... exciting because its like the first date over and over as far as ackwardness goes, still having butterflies... every word spoken is recorded to memory. The only thing saving me is the reassurance of how bad we'd be in a real relationship!!!! I can't wait til the 4 year mark... I wish I knew if he ever thought about us too. I know why I stayed in this for so long, but him, I haven't the slightest clue.
Posted 28 Nov 2004 at 1:34am #
Okay here's what I want to know. I hooked up with one of my friends a couple times (both times we were pretty drunk). We didn't know each other very well, but he's really nice. I invited him over once to hang out, we were sober, and didn't hook up that night. Ever since, he won't hang out with me anymore. What's the deal? I don't think I did anything to make him think I wanted any more from him, so I don't know what's got him all weirded out. Anyone have any insight?
Posted 15 Mar 2005 at 11:22pm #
I've had a friends with benefits with my ex-husband. It was easy for me to do that because I didn't have those kinds of feelings for him anymore. Now my ex-boyfriend wants to be friends with benefits, but I don't know because I do really want more and I do have feelings for him. We have actually had sex a couple of times, but also doing date-like things. Movies, dinner, shopping, etc. He puts his arm around me, holds hands, etc. It's all very confusing. I'm debating if I should just tell him no....I want a relationship and if he doesn't he can just forget it.
Posted 29 Jun 2005 at 1:06am #
I have been thinking about initiating :FWB: with a co-worker. We share an intense unspoken sexual chemistry and i know he feels the same way i do. He is a bit older than I am, (47 / 34) but I want him so bad I can barely stand to be near him. How do i, in a subtle yet direct, let him know i'm open to a relationship like this?
Posted 09 Apr 2006 at 1:04am #
I hate to burst your bubble but it says instantly two become one that means... You can't help your self. And if your a women it's worse since your driven to be relationship oriented to really enjoy sex. You all have a drive to nest, it's in your nature and verbal reactions... Men are different. Comitment? I think you don't understand because your not wired the same...
Posted 30 Sep 2006 at 9:54pm #
I don't know what it is... maybe it's some mass epidemic where everyone is in heat and we are the only ones admitting it. My friend who is 3-4 years older than me (I'm 27) just called and was just like "I just had to call and tell you, I am so horny and i need someone to fuck right now, not a friend." We are and have always been very close, telling each other everything (she even introduced me to my last girlfriend). And right now I have to cut this conversation short becuz she said she's finishin off a bottle of Bailey's and wants me to come over... ahhh... the joys of being consenting adults....
Posted 07 Jul 2007 at 12:19pm #
[quote comment="3394"]I have had alot of friends with benefits. I like the convenience of I get what I want, they get what they want...and no fighting and arguing like in a relationship, cuz i can just say "leave"! call me when you agree with me! LOL And call someone else next time!
But I've run into a problem. I have a new "friend". I really do like this one alot!! And I think about him alot in ways besides just in the door and out again sex! But he doesn't want any more than that. I'll still give him what he wants, because I don't want to lose him...but goddamn this is so fucken hard!!![/quote]
I'm in the same boat. Try this. His ex girlfriend from 7 years ago walks in the ONE EATERY we are at in the WHOLE WORLD and now it's confusion city for him and he's asked for time to think but assures me were remaining friends with Benefits. IT's very hard. I feel things for him but he won't say a word if he is for me. He's probably not. My fault I got caught up. But sorry we were seeing each other 4 times a week for 4 months going on trips, but always claimed "Friends". The sex is so great I can't see saying goodbye. He may give me no choice tho here soon.
Posted 10 Aug 2007 at 7:05pm #
okay so this is my deal.. ive been friends with this guy for 10 yrs. he was my brothers best friend but he and i seemed to get closer and closer and now i consider him my best friend. we both have declared no attachments in any relationship b/c of future plans. i.e military and schooling. a couple of months ago we started being able to share a bed and cuddle and things still be okay so our friendship was still good and we were able to do this and now were having sex. the best sex ever actually.. and our friendship is still strong and noone knows what we do behind closed doors.we show no attraction or anything in front of everyone else but when were alone at night the cuddling and long talks and sex comes.. we constantly talk about our future plans and how we dont need anyone right now.. but lately.. i feel that im fallin for him and the relationship that is meant to just be benefits is real to me.. he kisses me when we wake up next to each other and we sleep curled up at night. but were still just friends.. ive said i dont want anyone right now but im afraid i do..but i dont want to ruin our friendship its too good.. what shold i doo??
Posted 25 Aug 2007 at 8:27am #
I too had no Idea that this FWB thing was such a trend..I met a guy online and when we met it's true I did not epect to like him that much,because I was getting a divorce and just wasn't ready to trust anyone with my heart..anyway it's been 2 years, and I have fell hard for him,we have had great sex countless times,and we have a great time when we are together, he makes me laugh,he possesses much of what I want in a man, I even baby sit for him..I believe he cares something about me,but he is very secretive about his feelings and won't answer many questions about them..I have tried to let him go,he has tried to let me go as well,but it has not worked at all...my advice is at all cost stay away from these situations,it is very stressful and painful..he has no Idea how much I cry for him,I am 9 years older than him,and maybe he is just not done being out there don't know, I don't know what to do,I guess it's also that I have not dated anyone else in the past 2 years..