Labels for The Stupids
Posted March 20th, 2004 @ 08:12pm by Erik J. Barzeski
Stupid people are great. Without stupid people, we wouldn't have these:
On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
Damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.
On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
The shoplifter special?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
And that would be how???
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
But, it's "just" a suggestion.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
Well duh, a bit late, huh?!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
And you thought????
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
But wouldn't this save me more time?
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness..."
And I'm taking this because???
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
As opposed to what?
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
Talk about a news flash.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
Step 3: maybe, uh, fly Delta?
On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
Oh my God. Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?
Donate Life
Posted 21 Mar 2004 at 12:38am #
I will admit to seriously contemplating ironing my pants while on my body. I tire of the iron pants > put on pants > discover winkle I missed on board > take off pants > iron pants cycle.
Posted 21 Mar 2004 at 5:27am #
...and I can tell you right now there have been far too many times in my life that I've needed to stop a chainsaw really quickly (quicker than, you know, letting go of the trigger) and strongly considered stabbing it into my genitals.
Luckily, self-preservation is an instinct... and there are plenty of other peoples' genitals around for me to stop the chain on when I'm in that situation.
Posted 21 Mar 2004 at 7:23am #
Why did the computer scientist die in the shower? -- The instructions said "Wash, rinse, repeat."
Posted 21 Mar 2004 at 6:00pm #
A Heaping Helping of Hyperlinks
Labels for the Stupids
A Bad Beat Generation Poem
Posted 22 Mar 2004 at 6:14am #
Yes, these instructions are for Americans.
Posted 22 Mar 2004 at 10:45pm #
OK. The hair dryer thing is related to people using it to heat a room and then going to sleep.
Some others:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:(printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose! "Usimarit" all over the front of you)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space....or underground?)
BTW- I got those in 1997. 😉
Keep 'em coming!!!
Posted 10 May 2004 at 8:14pm #
i just checked my bar of dial, and it's really there!
"use dial as you would ordinary soap"
Posted 19 Sep 2004 at 4:39pm #
Bad and nasty links
If this joke makes you laugh, you're pleasantly fucked up. I laughed 🙂 Aaaand, stupid people....