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Labels for The Stupids

Stupid people are great. Without stupid people, we wouldn't have these:

On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
Damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.

On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
The shoplifter special?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
And that would be how???

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
But, it's "just" a suggestion.

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
Well duh, a bit late, huh?!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
And you thought????

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
But wouldn't this save me more time?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness..."
And I'm taking this because???

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
As opposed to what?

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
Talk about a news flash.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
Step 3: maybe, uh, fly Delta?

On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
Oh my God. Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?

8 Responses to "Labels for The Stupids"

  1. I will admit to seriously contemplating ironing my pants while on my body. I tire of the iron pants > put on pants > discover winkle I missed on board > take off pants > iron pants cycle.

  2. ...and I can tell you right now there have been far too many times in my life that I've needed to stop a chainsaw really quickly (quicker than, you know, letting go of the trigger) and strongly considered stabbing it into my genitals.

    Luckily, self-preservation is an instinct... and there are plenty of other peoples' genitals around for me to stop the chain on when I'm in that situation.

  3. Why did the computer scientist die in the shower? -- The instructions said "Wash, rinse, repeat."

  4. A Heaping Helping of Hyperlinks

    Labels for the Stupids

    A Bad Beat Generation Poem

  5. Yes, these instructions are for Americans.

  6. OK. The hair dryer thing is related to people using it to heat a room and then going to sleep.

    Some others:

    On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:(printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down.

    (Too late! You lose! "Usimarit" all over the front of you)

    On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.

    (As opposed to use in outer space....or underground?)

    BTW- I got those in 1997. 😉

    Keep 'em coming!!!

  7. i just checked my bar of dial, and it's really there!

    "use dial as you would ordinary soap"

  8. Bad and nasty links

    If this joke makes you laugh, you're pleasantly fucked up. I laughed 🙂 Aaaand, stupid people....