Posted March 24th, 2004 @ 11:20pm by Erik J. Barzeski
Question: Say you're throwing a little get-together for your birthday, and you invite a few of your guy friends to hang out. Is it cool if one of them brings a girl (without asking)?
My Answer: Nah. It's decidedly not cool. And yes, this is a message. I'm not pissed or anything, but hey, it's not what I wanted either.
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Posted 24 Mar 2004 at 11:43pm #
Hell yes it's ok. What a great birthday present! I wish my buds brought me chicks for my birthday. If they haven't already made arrangements, I'll start reminding them that they have about 50 whoring days until Artmas.
Posted 24 Mar 2004 at 11:46pm #
No. It's never cool to bring an uninvited guest without asking. That's just standard etiquette.
Secondly, if you are bringing a girl (who I presume is not a major part of the entertainment for an all-guy hangout time -- such as a birthday) and fail to ask, then you are probably bringing the girl because you don't feel like you can say that you need some time without her, which would almost guarantee that she will have other traits that make her less than fun to have at an all-guy situation.
Just my thoughts. I don't even know what happened, but presumptuousness can be fun.
Posted 25 Mar 2004 at 12:00am #
I went out with some friends for my birthday two weekends ago and one of the guys asked if I minded if he brought a girl with him. The question didn't seem like such a big deal to me at first, but as I thought about it, I appreciated the gesture.
Of course, the girl couldn't make it, but it was the thought that counted 🙂
Posted 25 Mar 2004 at 1:54am #
If it's a guy's night out, definitely not. Of course, maybe he just didn't realize the scale of the event (thought it was a big bash instead of a small party), so I don't think there's reason to be mad at the situation.
Posted 25 Mar 2004 at 2:32am #
If it's an established relationship, I'd say you have to specify that it's a "guy's night" or expect the girlfriend. Otherwise, yeah, the guy should ask before bringing a girl. But, clarity always helps, IMO. If you didn't say, "Hey, gonna have a 'guy's night' get-together on my birthday," the guy didn't commit a foul.
I find that once in a relationship I'm often chided for asking. "Of course she's invited too -- jeez, you're a couple." So, I stop asking. People know I have a girlfriend, if they don't want me to bring her, they gotta let me know.
Posted 25 Mar 2004 at 3:41pm #
Did you tell your friends it was an all guy party? Is there some reason you weren't including girls? If you didn't tell them rules up front, how can you expect them to know not to bring girls? How old are you? Maybe you're thirteen and girls have cooties? I can't think of any other reason you would care that they are there.
Posted 25 Mar 2004 at 3:52pm #
Well, the call to each of my friends went something like this: "Hey, I'm getting some guys together to play pool, it being my birthday and all. You wanna come?"
Another way of looking at it: would I have been just as upset if a guest had brought a guy with them? The answer: I wouldn't have been as bothered, but I'd still have wondered what the heck was going on. The difference in how much I'd have cared is simply due to the fact that guys act differently around girls, and when only one guy out of a group has the girl around, it creates an odd environment.
Posted 25 Mar 2004 at 3:54pm #
Happy Birthday, btw.
Posted 25 Mar 2004 at 4:56pm #
Whatever their gender, people shouldn't bring uninvited guests without at least asking.
Posted 28 Mar 2004 at 12:43pm #
Based on what you told your friends, at most you gave the impression that it would be "guys," but you said nothing explicit to that effect. Unless you tell them (or they're mind-readers), people don't know what you mean.
Posted 28 Mar 2004 at 7:35pm #
Any uninvited guest would have been "wrong," but bringing a girl when it was explicitly mentioned as "guys are hanging out" is doubly wrong. Triply wrong since it's the one day of the year called "my birthday" and so people should perhaps go the extra step of accommodating me (for just that one day). If the friend had any doubt if it was just guys or if he could to bring anyone, then he could have asked. As it stands, he broke the code.
Posted 27 Dec 2004 at 3:59pm #
Not cool, someone should always ask before doing something like that. That's my professional opinion. After all, I am a professional. *sighs Oh whatever.