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It's interesting how you can be so destroyed and yet so built up again by one person. It's amazing the power your own imagination can have, and what distance can do to two people. The seed of doubt, a joke taken the wrong way, and a random comment here or there can burn down a town, but fearing that they will almost assuredly ends it. It's incredible how we'll sacrifice something good in order to save ourselves the eventual pain we're sure is coming to us, regardless of the facts in front of us. It's even more incredible when we find the way past all of that garbage.

I'm not in any of those situations, or I'm in all of them. I don't really know, and I may never figure it out. I think a lot of it is that I can't imagine someone else feeling about me the way I feel about her, regardless of how many times I'm shown or told.

Anyone who's not me really can't read anything into this. This is as personal as this blog will ever get.

7 Responses to "Selfless"

  1. I think I know what you're talking about I've seen it happen, and I've felt it myself.

    There's no solution all you can do is trust, and hope that you're right. If you're wrong, it'll hurt, but if you're pessimistic you'll never see the benefits of being right.

    Trust her, and believe what she says.

  2. off the topic -- did apple ever get back to you about WWDC? will you be there?

  3. Well put, Richard. While reading the post, I'd intended to write a comment like that, but you got it just right, I believe.

  4. Funny that y'all are commenting on something marked "Anyone who's not me really can't read anything into this." It's a hypothetical, an extraction, a what if, and a mental exercise all rolled into one.

  5. I noticed that, but I figured "what the heck" 🙂

    Everyone has their own response to something like that, regardless of whether it's helpful. But I hope it was 😀

  6. I think people are commenting, despite your disclaimer, because hypothetical or not, what you've written rings true for... well, just about everyone. Particularly the bit about not believing anyone could love you as much as you love them... that sentiment is at the root of so much sadness and depression and insecurity for *so* many people, myself included. What's funny, or actually ironic, is when you finally admit this to the woman, and she tells you with surprise in her eyes that, no, *she's* the one who doesn't deserve *your* love and feels terribly insecure. And then you realize that all of the games we play and postures we adopt to make us appear confident when we're really scared silly are ridiculous, because no one's really that confident, and real peace and happiness with another human being comes when both of you are able to say, "I'm scared, and I know you're scared, but let's agree to do this scary thing together and never leave one another's side."

  7. I'm not very experienced (I've had a couple of GFs, I'm still in couple with a very nice HS girl) but...

    Carpe Diem. Seize the fucking day man. Go right ahead, you have one life to live. If you spend days trying to analyse everything she tells you, everything she does everything she might think about you, you're backdrifting.

    C'mon, women don't like people that are not self confident.