Turd Rockets
Posted April 19th, 2006 @ 06:58pm by Erik J. Barzeski
My (step-)kid went to the doctor yesterday. The diagnosis? She's quite literally anal retentive. Despite the stool softeners we've been giving her the past month or so, she has a lot of, uhhh, "stuff" in there that she doesn't let out as often as she should.
So, Carey and I were forced to give her two enemas. One yesterday, one today. Doctor's orders.
While holding her down - which was tough, not only because I didn't want to be holding her down, but because she didn't want me holding her down - Carey squirted the saline in there. Then we waited. She cried, and then suddenly, a turd rocket larger than a Twinkie shot out a foot in the air and a foot towards Carey, landing on the towel. Munchkin was still crying, but Carey and I had trouble not laughing at the absurdity. I had to leave the room and Carey just about fell over laughing. This isn't something I pictured myself doing a year or two ago, that's for sure.
In the end (yesterday and today), I think the enemas may have done her some good. Without getting into too much detail, let's just say she's probably lost nearly 10% of her weight…
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Posted 19 Apr 2006 at 7:24pm #
Ugh, that sounds unpleasant. But I hope she's doing better.
Posted 19 Apr 2006 at 8:30pm #
Something you might want to try for her is get some good quality Magnesium tablets and give her a portion (sometime the label says what amount is good for a child). That's helped tremendously with every member of my family (including myself) at one time or another.
Posted 19 Apr 2006 at 10:18pm #
This is hysterical - despite the fact that I was practically hit with the flying poo! She was even laughing about it today!
Posted 19 Apr 2006 at 11:53pm #
Sad and hilarious all at the same time! I echo the sentiment that this post doesn't exist when she is old enough to realize that her embarassment was shared with the world. I'm unfortunately doing the same with my son. My wife and I just welcomed him into the world a few weeks ago. I was changing him today, and had some unlucky timing. While I had the old diaper off (yes, the clean one was underneth), my boy had a fit of the farts, and promptly sprayed the front of my shirt down with his meals from the other day. To say I was disgusted, mortified, and embarassed would be quite accurate. All those feelings however were completely displaced by my complete disbelief in what had just happened, my wife's hysterical laughing, and the cutest little smile and grunt from my son. Ah, parenthood... Isn't it great? 🙂
Posted 20 Apr 2006 at 7:55am #
If an enema doesn't do good "in the end," please re-read the directions on the package! 😉
Posted 20 Apr 2006 at 1:27pm #
That is the first time I've heard of a turd rocket. My daughter has the opposite problem... we'd get leakers at the worst moments.
Thankfully we found out she is lactose intolerant and things firmed up.