Posted January 13th, 2004 @ 10:12pm by Erik J. Barzeski
Question: Casual sex: good or bad?
My Answer: I don't care for it personally, but have nothing against it. I'm a bigger fan of intimacy than just "getting off," so that doesn't leave a lot of room for picking up a chick in a bar.
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Posted 13 Jan 2004 at 11:03pm #
Its not for me, but I know plenty of people who thoroughly enjoy it. Perhaps I'm part of a minority who've only had sex with 1 person and don't plan to increase the number. But as far as other people - more power to them, I guess. I can understand how it can work and be good, but there also seem to be plenty of downsides that would turn me off to it if I had the opportunity.
Furthermore, I agree with the whole intimacy thing. "sex is just masturbation if it is just to get off" Sure, one could go casually have sex with someone, but its a hell of a lot easier, safer, and sometimes (I imagine) more pleasurable to just jerk off.
Posted 14 Jan 2004 at 12:23am #
Bad. No question about it.
Posted 14 Jan 2004 at 12:52am #
I've turned down the only opportunity I've expressly been given. Casual sex is a waste to me.
You have one person trying to talk another into whoring him/herself out for nothing more than an experience, which may or may not be good. I have more respect for Johns than for people who do this with total strangers.
Now, if it is casual sex with a friend than that is a bit different, because there is an intimacy in friendship. The sex would probably be more about exploring each other, exploring each other's sexuality, or making the friendship into a relationship. I have more understanding for this, and respect it the most of all types of casual sex (if casual sex is defined as sex between two people who are not in committed relationships with each other,) but I have intellectual and religious convictions against sex outside of marriage so I won't tack on a permissive statement for those who choose it.
Being understanding of others while not making permissive statements should be acceptable even in places that are intolerant of intolerance -- such as the general weblog community, right?
Posted 14 Jan 2004 at 4:35pm #
Ugh. I demand a re-count. How many of you 'sensetive pony-tail' guys are married? I fyou ain't gettin' laid of course you're going to say: "I believe in having sex as paart of a loving and deeply cherished relationship." It's a defense mechanism, guys who don't get laid use it (consiously or not) as a way to put women at ease and get laid.
That said, as a married man I'm ambivilent. You can have casual sex with your wife, as part of a comitted relationship, you just call it 'quickies' then and they have their place. I had semi-casual sex before I was married and it served the same function (i.e. a purely physical one). As someone with a wife currently doing contract work in a different city I can tell you most assuredly that a quickie beats beating off any night of the week. Would it be worth it outide of marriage? Probably not, but that's because of the baggage that invariably get attached, not because the act is inferior.
Posted 15 Jan 2004 at 1:36am #
I think that the act of casual sex could very well be superior, but the baggage is so heavy the pleasure of the act is no longer worthwhile, which is essentially what you are saying, right?
If so, why bother with making assumptions about our relationship status for use as a launch-pad for a silly insult and an errant point?
I was having sex quite regularly when I changed my opinion on sex before marriage. Extramarrital sex isn't for me because of the baggage -- as you said was the case for you -- not because of the inferiority of the act.
Posted 15 Jan 2004 at 3:12am #
I think it is a bad thing... but I can imagine how it might be the best thing available to some people 🙁
> It's a defense mechanism, guys who don't get laid
> use it (consiously or not) as a way to put women
> at ease and get laid
I purport that to be a stupid theory, Gary. A better explanation, I'd say, is that some guys realize the value of physical intimacy in a monogamous relationship, and recognize it to be superior than anything else.
haha yes, I can see casual sex with your spouse as a good thing, but I don't think that's what was meant by the connotation of "casual sex" in the question.
Posted 15 Jan 2004 at 3:20am #
Pick one female and stick with her. She'll love you better for it 😛
Posted 15 Jan 2004 at 12:26pm #
uhm. I don't see how "casual sex" excludes "intimacy". Both can happen at the same time. I agree with the guy who said it's just a defense mechanism.. sex is natural, fun, human, fun, exciting. 🙂
Posted 15 Jan 2004 at 6:57pm #
does having a "friend with benefits" count as casual sex?
Posted 18 Jan 2004 at 3:31pm #
Question of the Day
Today's question: is casual sex good, bad, or ugly? (Er, that is, "or are you indifferent?") My answer: it's fine.
Posted 01 Mar 2004 at 10:35am #
Yes friends with benefits would be under this, and I'm glad I read this topic because I was given the opporunity for casual sex with one of my exes, but I have come to realize that outside of the fact I'm more interested in a real g/f than that and my moral convictions, there lies the fact that it's almost 100% likely she'll fall for me again if we do this and I don't want to prolong her suffering because I definitely don't want to get back together.
Posted 09 Mar 2004 at 11:24am #
I'm kinda against it I reckon... I had a 4 year casual sex relationship and I didnt even realise it I loved him and became attached while it was just sex for him and ended up totally heart broken.... it's fun as long as no feelings become invloved which is quite hard for some people
Posted 09 Mar 2004 at 11:25am #
oh and plus it ended one day when he got bored and I was devasted so I would have to say I'm against them..
Posted 23 Mar 2004 at 8:54pm #
yea someone always gets attached plus u can get so much crap..like diseases,,but if there weren't any diseases at all,,,omg..reallly,,,everyone would be fucking everybody,,,cuz' thered be nuthin to worry about,..its better to jus be in a monogamous relationship..really,,it is,,in all aspects
Posted 20 Jan 2006 at 3:02am #
ok, casual sex, i think its both good and bad...there are good things about it, like other things can grow from it, you can learn about yourself and others from it, and you get to have sex with out commitment...but then the bad...one person gets attached and the other usually does not. i am currently having casual sex with a guy whom i have known for years. it hurts when he says he will call me and then doesnt, but then calls a week later wanting to "hook up" im not asking for a relationship from him b/c i know i wont get it. but i am just asking for a damn phone call once in a while. its not much to ask for but to him it seems to be just too much. but im a sucker for it ..everytime he comes back for more and i give it to him and it is mind blowing and we are sweet to eachother and treat eachother good, but in the end i know he will kiss me then walk out that door and i know i wont hear from him for another week. he usually says he will call exactly a week from the day we hook up and its always two days after that day he was supposed to call, that he finally calls and wants to hook up...leaves me confused, but yet i still want more of it, its addicting. and well its overall a viscous cycle that i have fallen into over the last five months. so there it is, the good and the bad...so its a split vote for me, on whether its good or bad...
Posted 19 Feb 2006 at 10:43pm #
Not everybody finds someone, or finds the right person, to be in a committed serious relationship. Or, life's circumstances don't permit a serious relationship. In my case, I will most likely have to move away in a few months, and so don't want to get into a relationship that could turn out to be a difficult long-distance one. And I am involved in a casual relationship with someone whose work schedule and pressures don't allow him to have a serious relationship right now. We are both exclusive, but neither of us can commit to each other or to any one else. So this is the best we have, and we chose to make the best of it.
Posted 07 Apr 2008 at 10:34pm #
dear mandy,
sweetie, you said:
"it hurts when he says he will call me and then doesnt, but then calls a week later wanting to "hook up" im not asking for a relationship from him b/c i know i wont get it. but i am just asking for a damn phone call once in a while."
he DOES give you a phone call once in awhile...for the 'hook up'...respect yourself and look for someone who'll give you what you REALLY want...love and commitment!! This guy's a jerk, and one day you'll look back and wonder what you were thinking, wasting a moment of your precious life on him! don't expect him to change...he doesn't love or respect you and he's not committed to you. just move on and respect yourself!
Lilly
Posted 21 Jul 2008 at 2:59am #
i have the same problem as mandy. But there is more to this one. He gave me a full discolsure up front and I went along with the situation. I can hardly be upset with him. Because i allowed it.
I keep hoping he will want more. but its like that saying goes.... why buy the cow if your getting the milk for free. I am at this point .... allowing it to go on because I would rather have this much of him than none of him. The chemestry is wonderful. we have that down. I have never had it faulter. I guess when that gets boring. then its over. sure I would like a meaningful loving relationship. someone to love me as much as might love him. but right now... this is what i am capable of.
Laura- Indiana
Posted 27 May 2009 at 1:07pm #
I am so glad I came across this. I was involved in a something similar to Laura's but he is married. He saw it as a relationship and wanted my committment. It really twisted my head, but the sex was good. I ended it after close to a year, he would like for it to continue and sometimes I want it sooo bad like now. I even thought about suggesting casual sex with a friend. But after reading this. I guess I'll pull out the vibrator and hold onto my newly gained self-respect. Its tough waiting for the real thing, but I know I deserve it and from the comments above sounds like there are still some decent guys out there.
Thanks
Sara